Brooklyn

I watched Brooklyn in 2015, sometime at the end of the year while I was at the lowest point in my life. It was a movie that came to me by surprise, because it wasn't recommended by a friend nor was it actually a title I was aware of. I happened to be on iTunes, saw Saoirse Ronan on the cover, and felt compelled to watch it (absolutely a fan or Saoirse Ronan - I fell in love with her since I caught Lovely Bones those years ago). 

And how lovely a movie it was. 

Since then, I've caught Brooklyn more than 100 times I'm sure. It leaves me with a dull ache in my heart, one that yearns so much for love and possibilities for the future. I am obsessed with the narratives, the art that is presented in the cinematography of the movie and the chemistry between the actors. 

It is also in this movie that I fell in love with Tony. 

Not that anyone cares, but Brooklyn started out as a romantic movie for me. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy ends up with girl. Of course, the course of true love never did run smooth, but they make their way back to each other in the end. 

Of course, when you repeatedly watch a movie like I do it's impossible not to form a different opinion and perspective of the show. Where I was thought Eilis settled, I've come to realise that she chose Brooklyn over Ireland. It's not so much a decision between which man she chooses to be with, but the life and place she chooses to create a future in. 

I've yet to read the book, so these opinions are based solely off the movie and the tone it tried to set. I don't believe she chose to ignore Tony's letters because she disliked him - think she was just running away from the truth. When you stay in two different places, you sort of form two different identities. 

Which identity is most true to you then?

In this era of covid, Brooklyn hits home hard. The inability to travel and explore a new place leaves me yearning for the part of myself that is absent here. Don't get me wrong, I feel terribly privileged to be able to have these thoughts - but I also feel a sort of emptiness too. 

My identity here is tied to my success in my career and in my relationship (or lack thereof). I feel submerged in a wave of people who link these points to my worth - and while I know that it's not an important calculator of success, I can't help but be drowned in it. 

I love my job, I love my singlehood. I love the future of unknowns and the possibilities of what my life will bring. I am excited at what the future holds in store for us all. Yet how do I strike a healthy balance between this knowledge and outside noise? At times I wish to block the world out and just focus on what feeds me. I suppose that's how all successful people get to their peak. They're able to strike a balance in this aspect.

I've got to find an outlet of sorts - something creative. I can't stand being idle. It's too boring. 

Maybe it's time to take out my watercolours, clay, pens... time to get vulnerable. 

xx.

Tightly grasped.

There are very few things that I cling on to quite dearly with almost no intention of letting go. The tight grasp on these things - I’ve come to realise - stem from the memories I have from the period in which these things takes place. 

Like all things that reminisce on the past, Reply 1997 is a show that I hold on to so dearly no matter how many times I come back to. It’s not a) the nostalgia of the short period during the 90’s that I got to enjoy that’s reflected in the show, and neither is it b) the friends-esque vibe from the ensemble. My personal attraction towards Jung Eunji, her character, coupled with the fact that I caught this show during the lowest period of my life makes it difficult to cut the chord that binds me to the feelings I want to keep dear. 

Fleeting as it always is, my youth is now gone. Though I don’t think it lacked anything, there are of course feelings of sadness towards events that transpired. Through the looking glass, I see an empty vessel. There is a shell, but the element inside is gone. 

Perhaps that is why Reply 1997, for as absurd as it may sound, brought me to tears. No one really wins in the show. They each lost before they were found. 

The tears may have been a result from my desire to have an ending as bittersweet as that of Shiwon’s. It could have also been a result of my lost youth. Or maybe, just maybe... it’s because I find it very hard to believe in happy bittersweet endings. That my happiest periods were back when I was a teenager, and that I’m finding it increasingly difficult to grasp on to the string of those memories as I progress on in life. 

“We were passionate, innocent and we desperately miss that time.

Can you hear it? If you can hear me, reply. 

Dear the 90’s.”

The Reply Series :)

Reply 1997: Source

An unhealthy obsession over Reply 1997 led me to move on to the third instalment from its series - a bad decision, if any. If you're unfamiliar with Reply 1997, it's basically a 16-episode drama series starring Seo In-Guk and Jung Eun Ji (A Pink). I'm not sure what compelled me to watch this drama in the first place, seeing as i'm 4 years too late to the hype. Even so, it's a drama that takes you back to the group of friends and their lives back in 1997. I particularly enjoyed Reply 1997 because of its two main leads. The protagonist doesn't fit the mould of your sweet girl-next-door. She's uncouth, loud, spoilt and feisty. Yet there's a charm to her that you can't help falling for, and this I give heavy credit to Eun-ji for playing the character so well. As for the male lead... let's just say that In-guk played one of the most realistic male characters I've seen in korean dramas. I usually avoid romantic korean dramas because the male leads are just too good to be true. They're good looking, say wonderful cheesy things and treat the women in ways you've only dreamed of since you were a little girl. If Disney has been blamed for their unrealistic portrayals of 'happy ever after', then korean dramas (of the romance genre) needs to be blamed for breaking the hearts of women (and men) everywhere (cries). 

Anyway I digress. Reply 1997 is still by far ranks #1 in the romance department for me. Apart from the brilliant chemistry from the ensemble, the script and directing really impressed me. It wasn't long-winded, had great punchlines and didn't miss out on details. It was predictable yet still lovely to watch :) I don't think there was a moment where I cringed from a corny script. 

And so after watching the series six times, I decided it was unhealthy and that it was time to move on to something else. And this led me to the third instalment of the Reply series, Reply 1988.

Reply 1988 Poster: Source

...

If I hoped that Reply 1988 would ease my transition from Reply 1997 then I was terribly wrong. Where the latter focused on the friendship of the group of friends from Busan, the former focused on both the importance of family and friendship in Ssangmun-dong, Seoul. 

Reply 1988 left me crying towards the end of its run. There was a strong connection that I felt with the show. It reminded me of the kampong days when I was a child, and in many ways the setting of this series brought flashbacks of the Singapore I knew and grew up in. Above all, the importance of your neighbours, your family and friends are reflected so well in this drama. It was portrayed simply, and reminded me the importance of family and sacrifice. I think everyone will be able to relate to this series. 

However unlike most drama series, what I love about this series (and the reason why the Reply series has gained so much recognition) is the script and directing. There are a total of 20-episodes, with each episode spanning an hour and 30minutes or more. Even so, you hardly notice that it's that long. The cinematography is conducted so wonderfully and each scene isn't longer than it should be. Most importantly, each character had enough screen time. So much so that I forgot who the main leads were. At the end of the day, Reply 1988 takes you back to those times you spent with your family and friends as a teenager. Back to the days when love was new, when you were unable to express yourself to the people you love, and when you were too childish to understand a parents sacrifice. I truly thank the team who came up and produced this show, it deserved the high ratings and credit it received. I'm now on my third run with the show >< 

There are three instalments so far from the Reply series: Reply 1997, Reply 1994, Reply 1988. They are mutually exclusive and apart from the cameos some of the characters from the previous instalments have made, there are no links whatsoever between the three 'worlds'. I have yet to watch Reply 1994, but I would highly urge everyone to give these shows a go. I'd recommend starting with Reply 1997 because after all, that's where it all started :) I hope the writer comes up with another Reply series in the future. I'm sure it'll be another award-winning show for sure. 

Have you seen these shows? What are your thoughts? I'd love to know :) 

xx

p.s. I tried very hard to maintain my composure as a fan in this post. Could you tell?

My first 10km run!

The 18th of October 2015 was a special day for me because it celebrates the day I ran my very first 10km! Looking back at it today, I can't believe I actually completed the entire 10km without stopping. Just a few months ago it seemed impossible but now that it's done and dusted I feel like I am capable of achieving and accomplishing anything.

Here's a little backstory on how I got myself involved in the first place:

Rin had signed up for the 10km run for the Melbourne Marathon. I was always keen on participating in a 10km but had never been bold enough to sign up for it because I knew that doing so would mean commitment and thus regular training. As it is, I hadn't even completed a 5km properly before so 10km to me was practically swimming before I had even learnt to breathe underwater. To cut the story short, Rin persuaded and managed to get me to sign up for the 10km, and from that day on I knew there was no backing out.

Now my physical fitness was never on 'expert', but I definitely know I'm fit enough to run and carry out strenuous exercises. My physical strength wasn't so much my concern as my mental strength was. In all my life, I'd always run in the gym on the treadmill. Running outside was always a failure because I always gave up before I had reached the end.

Rin on the other hand, was experienced with running long distance. She'd covered a half marathon before and this girl had a healthy lifestyle (she's recently committed herself to powerlifting!!) so she knew what had to be done! Quite frankly, she was the one who opened up my eyes to the world of running and training for the run.

We only started proper training less than a month to the 10km. It's considered last minute training, but for the amount of time we - I - took to train for it, I'm pretty proud of how far I've come!

We started out by running 5km non stop outside and that very first run for me was a killer. I wanted to give up and almost did but my coach (Rin) was tough and strict on me. She told me not to stop and pushed me all the way. I originally thought we were just going to take the 10km leisurely, never did I think we were going to actually train properly for it. She even wrote a detailed plan for me!!

Training Plan

When I saw this training plan the only thing that went through my head was: I must not disappoint her. Whilst it is true that I started out with a different intention, but after seeing how much effort she put into my training plan and how supportive she was in my abilities to complete the entire distance, I didn't want to let her down.

What I learnt though, was that running long distances isn't difficult. In fact, I developed a deeper respect for athletes in general because of the disciplined plan they follow for their respective trainings. In the course of the three weeks that I trained for the 10km, I ate to exercise rather than exercised to eat, and my schedule revolved around my exercise plan. On days that I had to run the long distances outside (I did this with Rin), I used the techniques she taught me to make the journey easier. Progressively, like all things we do, it got easier to cope with as the weeks went by.

It's easier to build yourself physically than it is to do mentally. Challenging my mind was the toughest battle I had to overcome. In fact, the day we planned to run 7.5km outside happened to be the hottest day of the week. To top it off, of all times to run, we chose to run at 11.00am.

I so wanted to give up so many times, and I even tried to sneak my way out of it by faking that I was going to faint. I don't know if Rin could tell, but she made us run under the shade for a while to cool from the Sun before running outside again. I really wanted to give up and to exaggerate it: wanted to die. Even so I persevered and pushed on and at the end of day, managed to complete 7.6km. I felt so proud of myself.

Subsequently, once I knew mentally that I could run 7.5km, running the first 7.5km on the day we were scheduled to run 9km wasn't difficult at all. It was conquering the final 1.5km that was the real challenge. Even so, by this point I knew that I was physically able but still mentally weak. One method I took to battle this was by focusing on my breathing and the manner in which I was running. Channelling my thoughts in this direction helped to take my mind away from how much further I had to run and stopped me from thinking about giving up.

Eventually, the day of the 10km run came and to sum it up, it was the most incredible and amazing experience I'd ever been through. People of all ages, shapes and sizes were there to run in their respective categories. The atmosphere was so supportive and everyone was just there to have fun and to run. I'm proud to say I completed the entire 10km without stopping. I did it. It was truly a moment for me :)

Full Marathon runners

Before the run 

All smiles after the run!!

We did it!!

Huge huge huge shoutout to my gem of a friend/coach Shirin. Without you I would have been nothing.

Let this be a constant reminder to me during the times I want to give up. Giving up will bring me nowhere in the long run.

Next up: Half Marathon.

xx.

Photo Credits: myself & Shirin.

#Thoughts: Friendship

♥

During one particular parent-teacher meeting organised by my primary school in which I was present, my mother asked my form teacher during her turn if she felt that I was mixing with the right crowd. I was only twelve back then, and having this question asked in my presence was something I did not expect. I recall my teacher responding honestly, saying that I had to be careful not to be too easily influenced but that I had a healthy mix of friends in my circle.

Throw forward to 2015, and I look back at the friendships that I've made and it's one of those moments where you just sit down and feel thankful for the people who've taught you so much. Now of course, the four you see in my above collage are just a few out of the many who I treasure, but these four are significant to me because of some of the lasting values they've taught me. Still, when comparing the friends I had back then at the age of 12 to the people I've met now, I now understand why my parents were so worried for me. The friends I had back then weren't terrible people, rather their priorities were not one that rendered good influence.

I've always believed myself to be a good-natured person, although I don't deny that there are ugly bitchy sides to me as well. These are sides I don't agree with even personally, but it is then that the good people in my life bring me back to reality and remind me to be more humble, positive and patient. They say your friends are a good indicator of the type of person you are and I would like to think that my personality doesn't speak for the beautiful people my friends are. However, the good sides of me are definitely the product of the people who're in my life.

I think your friends ultimately should be the people who continuously aspire you to reach for your dreams and goals, and should be the people who are there to support you through your good and bad decisions. I've come to realise that the people I love dearly are those whose happiness is my own and vice versa. They are also the people I know I can tell my opinions comfortably to if I don't agree with them on something and there's no argument through the sharing of these thoughts. We may agree to disagree, but we value these judgments and take them into consideration without harshly judging the other for it.

Good friends are hard to come by, and today I'm just really thankful for all those who are here to stay. I don't necessarily speak for the future because we never know what life will be like once marriage comes into play, but as Olaf says: "Some things are worth melting for."

xx.

Product Review: Spa Treatment for free at home!

So if I haven't already made it clear before, I will make it clear now. I LOVE THE BODY SHOP. It's a no brainer really if you were to ask me. I think, apart from the very good marketing strategy of using the colour green to brand themselves, the products they sell are actually legit and work so well as they claim they're supposed to.

Quite recently, the store introduced their Spa of the World range and I decided to give it a look.

Now I have this tendency to approach salesgirls and ask them to test products on me if I'm very certain I'm not going to end up wasting their time at the end. I was pretty sure that I was going to purchase something that day, so I approached a salesgirl (dang me for not remembering her name!) and asked her to introduce the products in the range.

African Ximenia Scrub

Japanese Camellia Cream

I was completely sold the moment she tried the products on me. Now firstly, I'd like to say that I've been using a body scrub all wrong my entire life. I never knew you used it before you used your shower gel. I always thought you exfoliated after you used the shower gel. Well, I've now learnt the truth. 

My hands were so soft after using the scrub. In fact, I actually left the store the first time only purchasing the body cream and came back the next day to purchase the scrub. It was a worthy investment. The body scrub really leaves your entire skin feeling soft and smooth after!! It's practically a free spa session at home. Have I mentioned that it also smells relaxing??

The body cream on the other hand, smelled like a fresh garden of flowers during spring in Osaka. It smells like cherry blossoms. I love it. The texture of the cream is indeed velvety like stated on the packaging. It's really smooth and soft on the skin and a little goes a long way with it. It also has a matte finish as compared to the other body cream in the range, and is suitable for people with very dry skin. I have eczema and this cream has worked well for me so far :)

Overall, I'm really happy with my purchases :) I actually was very tempted to purchase their mist and detox cream but your girl is a student and finances are tight. Explains why I originally left with only the body cream.

Have you guys tried these yet? What are some of your favourite products from The Body Shop? :)

xx.

When is it time to grow up?

Image source: Pinterest

I don't think I've ever been a rebellious kid my entire life growing up. Rather, if my parents were to ever tell someone I was rebellious, I know for a fact I'd strongly rebel against them for making that statement. I'm not the most well-behaved, but as far as being rebellious, the most I've come close to is maybe just coming back half an hour later than the time I promised.

Yep, #thuglife.

For someone who's centred her parents blessings around her life, I guess you could say I'm the sort of person who'd tell my parents things that I'm up to (for the most part, you can't possibly update them on everything) and ask them for their permission before doing certain things. Firstly, they are the ones supporting me financially and I only feel it right to ask them for permission regarding doing certain things that involves spending. Secondly, because I truly believe in a parents' blessings and I know that if I were to do anything naughty without their knowledge nothing good is going to come out from it.

Lately though I've come to realise that I don't feel the need to tell them or ask them as much as I used to. For instance, there are things that I am ashamed to say I have done recently (nothing major) that I know they would not have approved of. Furthermore, there are some things I have been doing independently and decisions that I am considering to make (life changing ones) which I have not yet discussed with them.

I blame the long distance for the poor communication between my parents and I, but I guess the truth is that I want to make these decisions for myself. I know I am going to make mistakes along the way, and sometimes it may cause a lot of harm and damage but isn't that a necessary stage and process of growing up? Perhaps it's Asian parenting, we kids grow up listening to our elders and doing things to make them happy. I don't discourage or dislike this practise, and in fact am hoping to someday raise my children with this mindset. Yet at the same time, I feel like it is time for me to make some decisions by myself without constantly worrying about not having told my parents or asking them for their permission.

When is it the right time to do things by yourself?

Perhaps I have been too sheltered (I disagree on this point personally though), but the truth is that I think I am too afraid to venture into the vast unknown by myself. Thus, by making it seem that my parents prevent me from taking on certain opportunities, I give myself a valid excuse to stop myself from giving something a go.

As my mum always said, if I wanted something, my mind would have already been made up and I would fight my way for it no matter what. If I didn't want it badly, no matter what anyone said - parents included - I wouldn't pursue it if something came in my way. I suppose this statement rings true for a lot of people, but if this is the case for me then I must have not wanted a lot of things...

Alas, I am 22 now. It's time to grow up buddy, time to face the real world. Gotta take it one step at a time. I guess I won't stop from ever telling my parents my decisions as well as ask them for their blessing and permission on certain things. But if there's one thing I really need to work on, it's making a concrete plan to present to them to have them see that I know what it is I'm talking about in the first place.

The last paragraph just brought my attention to the underlying problem behind this entire post. Good job Aisyah.

Anyone in a similar predicament?

xx

Confused and stranded.

Image Credits: Pinterest

One of the greatest ironies of life is when you like to help others but fail in doing so to yourself.

How fast do feelings come and go? You spend years of your life trying to get rid of your low self-esteem. You start saying good positive things, you spread these thoughts throughout the entire course of your body. And then finally, after years of positive reinforcement, you finally trained yourself to start seeing and thinking good thoughts. Just when you think you've reached what's the highest point in your life, something good comes your way. You are beyond excited, exhilarated even at the thought of what could be. Things feel good, you feel it in your bones. Your intuition is never wrong, so why worry about it when you know everything will be alright?

Then just as you think it couldn't get any better, it starts to fade. You're confused, you've never experienced such a thing before, never had any experience yourself to give you advice on the next course of action. Friends? Who do you turn to? Asking someone for help is as good as giving it a reason to be a problem. It's the last thing you want to be a problem.

You spend the next few days trying to stop thinking about things. Your intuition tells you by now that you should give up, that there is no point. You smile to hide the pain, you cry inside but you refuse to give in. You distract yourself, you question and ponder. You avoid any weird articles from thoughtcatalog. You don't want to admit that it is a problem, that it affects you more than you want to believe so.

Maybe you're not smart enough. You question if there's something wrong with you. Maybe you come across as a bimbo. Or maybe you come across as too aggressive. You could also just be an annoying whiny person who is too high maintenance. You question and question and just when you think you have it all, you slowly find yourself falling back to the motions of the past that you so long worked to eradicate.

But today, today I tell myself that I can't help what happens in life. I can't choose to make the decisions made by others, neither can I choose to make the decisions people feel. I'm frustrated because I can't give myself any advice and I don't know if I deserve to ask others for help for the simple reason that I myself am unsure if there was ever a problem to begin with. Maybe it's not a problem, but even if I were to ask someone for advice, how would I phrase it?

Perhaps I look into things a little too much. I fall easily, and for that reason I keep my walls up very high. I knew I wasn't going to repeat the same mistake I did before. Getting hurt may make you seem like the bigger person, but the truth is no one wants to go through the emotional pain it brings. Fret not, for I don't think I am at that stage of fatality emotionally.

Only time will tell, and time alone will heal. I'm not going to stop being the person I am, and despite what comes my way I truly believe that I did what I could. This post most probably - and definitely - does not fully encapsulate the emotions and thoughts that are currently clouding my head.

I'm confused, and I only wish I could understand things a little better.
xx.

A lil note from me to you;

Image Credits: Facebook

You are beautiful just the way you are :) Just a little end of the week quote for anyone who might be feeling a lil' down in the dumps. Remember to keep on smiling because you never know who's day you're making with that beautiful smile :)

Xx.

Be kind... to yourself.

Photo credits: C

The weekend after Easter has arrived and just like that, the mid semester break is about to come to a close. I can't say I've had a boring week, it was exciting in it's own little way but I was able to get a lot of relaxation through it all.

Over the past few days I've been thinking about the things we think we deserve. The most common phrase that comes to mind with these words has to be: "We accept the love we think we deserve". But I think it transcends just love, there are so many more aspects in life that we feel we do or do not deserve.

I have very often struggled to come to terms with myself. People around me see the good sides of me, and even if they see the bad sides they're still able to put up with those flaws and love me all the same. Seeing as how we're our harshest critic, I found it difficult to accept my flaws. I don't mean physical flaws, I'm leaning towards emotional and (perhaps) psychological flaws.

A friend told me that we have three different personalities. Our public, personal and private personalities. Public refers to the personality we take on when we meet people. Personal refers to the personality we have amongst our close group of friends. Private of course, refers to our personality when we're alone.

Understanding things this way makes it a lot easier to see why we may seem to have multiple identities. One issue I had with myself was feeling like a hypocrite. You know, you're smiling on the outside and saying positive things yet inside you're thinking otherwise. How do you live with yourself like that? It could just be me, I've never believed in being hypocritical towards people in that sense. If I don't like someone I don't put myself out of my way to be friendly with the person. I still respect them though, I just don't make effort in wanting to get closer to them.

You may be wondering where this post is headed to. Fret not, I just asked myself a similar question haha.

In a nutshell, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you ever feel like you're undeserving of something, you're never going to be truly happy. We have to learn to accept that we have different personalities and that the thoughts in our head were meant to be in our head for a reason. Unless the thoughts you hold comprise of you wanting to kill someone (in the literal sense of the word), then don't hate yourself too much for it. Such thoughts once in a while is common and you should still love yourself despite these.

So if you've ever felt like you're undeserving of something, hit yourself on the head and take that back. If good things come to you, be grateful and give thanks and embrace the moment as it comes. That is all :)

... I should really work on explaining my posts properly. Such abstract thoughts lead to jumbled up sentences.

xx

Farewell March, you've been kind enough.

I can't believe it's already the end of March! A quarter of the year has gone by just like that, and even though I know this phrase is used way too often, I still wonder: "Where has the time gone??".

March has been a rather interesting albeit tumultuous month. Started the month with school, made a promise to myself for change, failed in some aspects but I have to remind myself that I have to keep on trying. Has this happened to anyone else? You know, you make a promise to yourself to change some aspect of your life but you end up failing. And it's not such a big failure too - although at times the consequences may be rather big - but you deny yourself any form of pleasure because you know you don't deserve it. You beat yourself up harshly and it takes you nowhere but this huge downward spiral that doesn't promise a way out. Well, that was me then and I know that I have to forgive myself yet at the same time punish myself too for misbehaving and failing to carry out what I had promised. I don't know why I fall back into this same pattern, things go well and just as it's about to turn into a habit I give in and it's back to square one. Take deep breaths, stand up straight and march forward. That's all I have to do.

Anyway, the month soon progressed on and before I knew it the second week saw me gracing my birthday with loved ones here down under. It reminded me that love and friendship is always nearby and to count my blessings. School continued, and the weather continued to be in my favour too. I'm always a happy goober here when the weather chooses to be happy too :) (in other words, lots of sunshine and cool breezes).

Towards the end of the month things took a turn. My former Prime Minister passed away and for a long time up till now I am still mourning his death. I believe I have said all that I wanted to in my previous post, but I forgot to mention the unity I felt amongst the people of my country throughout the entire week leading up to the procession of his death. Never have I felt so united as one with the people of my country, bearing the same thoughts as well as worries for what lies ahead in the future. It was a time that I found no comfort being around people who weren't from Singapore because the truth was none of my friends from other countries would understand or feel the same amount of grief as I did. I suppose it's the same elsewhere. I won't deny that my grief over the death of the late Princess Diana ever surmounted to the level of the people of England. That is to say, neither do I treat the late Lee Kuan Yew as a king, I'm merely expressing my inability in expressing and sharing my grief with those who may not understand.

That said, there is light at the end of the tunnel and albeit the sadness that clouded the air, there were some good things too. Firstly, I think I most probably exhausted myself by attending three concerts over three consecutive days. Attended the Miranda Sings concert with a friend, watched Cirque De Soleil with a group of friends and finally, attended Ed Sheeran's concert with some friends too :) I enjoyed myself thoroughly at all three events, and it definitely helped to perk me up from all that sadness.

Anyway, here are some photos from the past week :

I fangirled a whole lot that night. I love Miranda so much, she's my inner soul. 

We customised our own t-shirts!! It was so much fun dressing up pre-concert with my girls, it made the whole experience a  lot more fun :)

And, randoms snippets from the week:

Love the smoothies from Five Plus Smoothies!! So delicious and filling. It's slightly pricey so I only ever purchase it if I've gone through a really good workout at the gym. Plus, it doesn't help my case much considering it's located just next to my gym...

Yummy gelato from Dex2Rose, a nitrogen gelato store co-owned by my friend. I'm not being biased, but I genuinely love the gelato from his store a lot more as compared to the others that I've tried. The flavours suited my palate, the price was reasonable and the location is fantastic. 

In case you wanted to know where it's located, here's the address:

Dex2Rose Nitrogen Gelato

377 Little Bourke Street

 Melbourne VIC 3000 

I love waking up to this view :)

Well, I guess that's it for March. I will be ending this month with another delightful meeting at Toastmasters and then perhaps getting groceries because I am starving myself at home due to the absence of food. Tomorrow shall be the start of a new month, and hopefully the continuation of good habits and the start of better ones.

Hope you've had a lovely March, and I hope you're as excited as I am for the coming weeks to come! :)
Xx

Updates + Writers Block

Source: Me

The term "writer's block" has never been more applicable to me today than less than half a year ago when I decided to make this blog. It's one thing to be blogging about your personal life and another when it comes to blogging about things that you genuinely want to share about. Pardon me for expressing my woes with regards to this platform once again, but at the current moment I'm still so lost as to what I want this space to be. An inspirational platform? Suits the wishy washy me very well. A beauty platform? I do love my products and I love to share some of the tips that I find have worked for me. That said it's not every day I'll have something beauty related to share. Hmm.. I'll need to figure this out sometime soon.

Meanwhile, the plague that's taken over my creative juices has me worried. Why do I lack inspiration? It's true that most of the inspiration behind my posts come from personal encounters and experiences. I wondered if my lack of inspiration possibly signified me being in a good place in my life at the moment.

Living overseas has been quite a tumultuous ride for me and be it unfortunate or not, i'm still going through the ride. As i've mentioned in a previous post, 2014 was a terrible year for me after experiencing depression and anxiety. There was no doubt that 2015 frightened me to bits prior to my departure from home and my family. You never really know what life has in store for you, you can only pray for the best really.

Well, as far as I can say, life has been treating me well so far :) Albeit it only being three weeks since I've been away from home, I can safely say that I am genuinely happy. It may be too bold of me to say that I'm the happiest I've been in a long while since my trip overseas with my family, but it certainly comes close. Friends who are no longer down under with me are still in my mind, but their departure has allowed others to make way into my life. Acquaintances are now friends, and friends are now good friends. The biggest contributing factor to my happiness here definitely has to be the club I'm involved with in Uni, it takes up most of my time in all the good ways possible :)

However, the sole reason why I know I'm as happy and grateful as I am now lies in only one reason - faith. I don't like talking about religion on public platforms like these in general because I understand that not everyone believes in the same thing as I do. Needless to say - and in no way are my intentions to preach - faith has helped me to overcome all the darkness that has plagued me the previous year. I lacked prayer and faith the year before, and despite knowing it was an issue still lacked the discipline to change my habits. I promised myself I'd put my faith above everything else this year, and to strive to be a better person of my religion. Like said, it's only been three weeks but I'm confident of proving myself wrong that I'll fail to accomplish this.

Source: Pinterest

Truly, there are so many things I'm afraid of. But with faith + hard work, I know I'll get there eventually :) 

Anyway, here are some snippets from what I've been up to the past three weeks:

(L-R): Frozen Yogurt from Yo-chi, Hotcakes from The Kettle Black, Charlie's old fashioned Quencher, brunch from Mart 130

Also, I turned 22 last Friday! Happy Belated Birthday to me :) Unfortunately (and I hate myself so much for this) I have no photos from that night!! :( I had a wonderful and lovely day nonetheless, and it was perfect just the way I liked it with people I treasure in my life. Perhaps I'll share a little bit more about my birthday celebration in another post. 

Till then, have a lovely week ahead and I'll see this space very soon :)

xx

The walls in my head.

Source: Pinterest

Work gives me the opportunity to inspire teenagers and others around me. Likewise, I too am inspired by them. 

I don't want to disclose too much about what I do at work exactly because I don't know what i'm allowed to mention. But I suppose it would be alright for me to say that a part (this is just a small part of it) of what we share include life skills as well as overcoming the voices inside our heads that prevent us from achieving our dreams. 

A particular segment about dreams recently came up one day and it made me reflect about my life and the dreams that I once had. What happened to those dreams? Rather, I realised that I no longer allowed myself to dream. It was as if dreaming of a good future was almost forbidden because I did not think I deserved it. Why do I allow myself to treat me so harshly? 

It all started when my colleague shared a story of his way back when he was in high school. A teacher had asked him to fold a piece of paper into eight equal rectangles. Upon doing so, she then instructed him to tear out 1 full rectangle and half of the rectangle next to it from the piece of paper (the rectangle was to be torn from the outermost corner of the paper). Each rectangle represented ten years. As my colleague was 15 back then, he had torn off 15 of the supposedly 80 years of his life from that piece of paper. His teacher then instructed him to write down what he hoped to achieve within each decade in the respective rectangles. In other words, things like "graduate from University", "get married", etc. He didn't need to be specific with the age, he only had to write it down in the appropriate rectangle. 

This story triggered something within me. Age to me after all has been nothing but a number. The reality though, is that age catches up to you. I don't mean in terms of how you look or how your joints start giving in though. To me, the term annotates the amount of responsibility I will have to take with not only my life but my family. There will come a day where I will eventually end up being the one taking care of my parents even when I'm married, and it's important that I have a stable enough income to provide for them. 

That aside, it made me realise that I've only taken up two out of the eight rectangles in that entire piece of paper. There are still several more rectangles for me to fill up and achieve the dreams that I have always wanted. Why did I confine myself within the walls of my head that told myself it was impossible to achieve greater and better things? 

"Life is not a race but a marathon."

It's not about how fast you get to the end point but the journey you make to get there. The answer was always there but I chose to cloud that with my own beliefs. Without realising it I chose to see that I had already failed to achieve anything great in life. I only saw things going downhill from here.

...what a terrible thought :( 

That said, I've allowed myself to dream again and I know that there are several opportunities for me out there. I have to take everything a step at a time. After all, it always takes time doesn't it? :) I have a dream for what I want to be in the working world once I graduate and start working full time. As it is now, I know that it will take several years before I get there but I am willing to make my way there slowly. God willing, should this be the right path for me, I only pray that it go smoothly. 

With that I would just like to end off by encouraging everyone out there to get rid of the voices around you that bring you down. Get rid of people who are negative voices in your life but most importantly, get rid of your negative voice. You are worth so much more and life has so much more in store waiting for you. Don't cloud yourself with lies. Choose positivity! :) 

With love, xx.

When to stay quiet.

Source: Pinterest

As a self-righteous person, you'll very often find me standing up for myself. That said, I humbly accept that I am wrong when the situation calls for it. I mean, you can't be correct all the time right? 

I find it easier to stand up for myself and the things I believe in when there are statistics to prove my point. It's so easy to point to a chart or a study and say "Here, this is not a true reflection of the entire population, but it comes close enough." It's not so easy on the other hand when it comes to matters of the heart and gets personal. 

Have you ever been placed in a situation where you're either getting reprimanded or are in an argument and the person you're conversing with is one who points out things about you that he / she believes to be true? I mean, the truth is that sometimes the third perspective is a lot more accurate than the first. Hey, some people don't notice their flaws until someone points it out to them right? But what if you've already reached the point where you're confident and honest with yourself about your flaws and the problems you're going through? In other words, on the other line there are strings of sentences being made and put out about the kind of person you are whereas inside you know that isn't true. 

This has happened to me a lot and I am sure it has happened to some of you too. I find myself several times in a situation where I'm with someone else who has so confidently concluded my character (said judgment obviously clashing with my personal understanding) that I always end up battling with myself if it is wise to stand up for myself. I'm not going to lie, several times I have always wanted to. In fact, I have never been so sure of myself today than I was before. My assurance of the kind of person I have grown to be has seen me keeping quiet when I'm faced with such situations. 

I guess you really do find comfort in the truth. 

Essentially, what I've come to realise is that there's no need to correct someone who thinks otherwise of the kind of person who believe yourself to be. I'll be clear of one thing, I know that I am not as kind and nice a person as people make me out to be. Similarly, I am also aware that I am not as mean and rude as people make me out to be as well. So long as I know who I am inside, no matter how harsh the judgments may turn out to be (at least those that I am aware of) I know that there is no point in standing up for myself in such trivial matters. 

... unless it's a matter of life or death then I suppose it'll be important to make my point. 

So before you say something next time to retaliate to someone's statement, think twice. Does their statement bear some truth to which you agree to? Is it important for you to prove them wrong? Will things drastically change unless you prove them otherwise? 

Have you ever experienced something like this before? I'd love to know. 

Love yourself, xx.

What being single (oddball) has taught me.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Now before you head on and read the rest of this lengthy post, I'd like to first make a disclaimer and state that writing this wasn't easy. As someone who has been single for the past 21 years of my life, the thoughts shared in this one post are those that I have never been comfortable enough sharing with even my closest friends. There are various reasons for this, the greatest amongst all the fear of being vulnerable. I never saw and gave myself enough credit for the person that I am, but today I have come to love and accept me for being well, me. So here goes :)

I'm one of those girls who grew up as a child with a few admirers who I did admire back in return. I grew up realising a little too late the importance of maintaining a healthy diet and what being a "girl" was. Now before you go all "gender stereotypes" on me, let me just emphasise that I have always been feminine as a child. I was always one who wore dresses and dressed up, not because my mother made me but because I genuinely wanted to. I was always vain as a child, I started wearing heels as young as five years (much to my mothers oppression in actual fact).

Growing up I was the awkward teenager who gained a little too much weight, and having attended a single sex school, I was never one of those girls who gained the attention of any boys that I came across. Blame it on romance novels, but I never was involved in a relationship like any of the other girls that I knew. This was never a problem to me though, because at that stage I was having far too much fun as a teenager to be bothered with boys.

Fast forward to many years later, I turned twenty and I realised that not only had I not gone for a single date, but there was no boy that I knew who was remotely interested in me. Now, I'm not one who'd jump into just any relationship, but you can only imagine the blow it had in my self-esteem. I began questioning if it was my looks that perhaps led to this. Was I not attractive enough for the opposite sex? Or was it my personality? Left and right my friends were getting themselves into relationships, and I felt very left behind. In my bio you would see that I'm an incurable romantic, I always wondered if there was still a possibility for me to find my prince charming given my age. My heart ached each time I realised that I was never going to be one of those attractive girls. Guys won't fall for me like my pretty friends.

But then that's when I realised my mistake.

I wasn't being myself. More often than not I was so caught up wondering what was wrong about me that attracted nobody (okay this is an exaggeration, I have been asked out before but I wasn't comfortable enough to go out with the guy) that I lost myself. I was so caught up with trying to be the perfect girl that the Aisyah I knew was lost in translation.

It wasn't until about eight months ago that I learnt to let go of my doubts. Sure, my friends could be getting into relationships and I could be the last one standing. I am sincerely and genuinely happy for them, and to this there is no doubt :) What I do know though is that once my perspective changed I realised that people were more interested to talk to me. Furthermore, my inability to speak to a member of the opposite sex is now no longer a problem. Before I was so afraid to say a single word to any guy I found attractive simply because I would be afraid of the judgment he would have about me. Once I learnt to let it go and just be who I was, in most cases I found myself not only being confident, but people in general were more interested to listen to what I had to say.

Today I stand before you as a girl who's interested in achieving so much more for herself. I want to grow so much more as a person. I know I will find love someday, I believe that the guy for me is already out there. I may have met him, I may have not. All I know is that my heart is open to the idea of love but I am in no rush to get into a relationship. I think that's the beauty of it isn't it? It's beautiful when things happen so naturally. It's always nice to look back and realise how things fell in place so perfectly.

Ahh, I'm so sorry if I've digressed and gone off topic. I'm feeling rather peaceful and reflective tonight. Have any of you gone through the same thing? Any of you feel me? Do leave a comment, I'd love to know :)

Hope you have a lovely weekend ahead, xx.

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Untitled (for now)

Strangers-

Is it possible to read another’s mind?

Eye contact. I’ve heard it’s important

to look into the eyes of another when conversing.

Respect, engagement.

But the eyes are also the doors to your emotions.

Raw feeling, lust, passion.

They say intuition is a gift from God.

It can do you good

but also bad.

If my intuition has always proven to be true,

is what I see in your eyes what I see in mine too?

Nur Aisyah S. (27/8/14)

xx.