Throwback Thursday | Mt Stirling, 8th Oct '16

It's been close to a month since I last arrived back home. Now that life's beginning to settle down a lot better, I've been spending the past few days looking through my photos and reminiscing the times I spent in Melbourne. I've always wished I could be a skilled photographer, I'm sure I've mentioned before that photographs bring back so much more than just memories. A photograph brings back the feelings and emotions that you experienced and felt at that present moment. Which is why they are always so precious to me.

Today I'd like to share about the time my friends and I decided to hike up Mt Stirling. We'd been discussing going on an overnight/camping/road trip for the longest time (that being a year) but we kept on putting it off. Part of it had to do with the fact that we couldn't find an appropriate date that catered us all (especially when two out of the five were working adults), but really it's also because no one took any action until we finally set our minds to it.

And so after the graduation of one and her departure back to her mainland i.e. Malaysia, the remaining four of us finally decided it was enough of bumming around and time to make the necessary reservations.

We came to the decision to conquer Mt Stirling thanks to Derrick. He'd actually gone hiking up the mountain during winter that same year, but due to the weather was unable to enjoy and take as many pictures as he'd have liked from the summit. Also, Nam was no stranger to the mountain as she spent an entire year during high school up there. Don't ask, but her high school had this really cool one year programme where 15 year olds spend their time up in the mountains organising trails and the likes. Sounds nomadic, but her stories were so enjoyable to listen to. All it took was a photo of how the view looked like from the summit and I was sold.

Does this not entice you?!

We drove up to the base of the mountain courtesy of Dinithi our driver who was very willing to take us there. The entire journey to the base took about two hours or so. We took slightly longer than that because we had a few pitstops along the way.

Prior to the trip Derrick made a whole list of things for us to purchase. Namely items essential for hiking like boots, flashlights and etc. I didn't want to spend money unnecessarily so apart from food and disposable underwear I didn't purchase anything mentioned. Which may not have been a very good idea because the mountains were covered in snow thanks to the heavy rainfall the night before and I was geared up in my Dr Martens. Not exactly ideal for plummeting through the ice... I made it though since I ended up walking in my friends' footprints hahaha!

My trusty sherpa stick which I brought back home for safekeeping hahaha

I love hiking, and the one thing I will miss the most from Melbourne is the abundance of opportunities to enjoy mother nature at it's best. It was such a good workout, and although it was tiring it was a lot more enjoyable thanks to my friends. Come to think of it, I've no idea what we talked about throughout the entire hike. How we managed to pass time by is a wonder on hindsight.

We took close to four hours to reach the summit of the peak. This of course was inclusive of all the times I plopped down on the snow to cool myself down because the intensity of the sun's rays was burning into my soul. I'm pretty sure I lost 80% of my energy to the sun. But here's a hack, sitting with your ass in the snow really helps to cool your entire body down. I did this several times, much to the annoyance of Derrick :P

But boy oh boy when we did make it to the top... It was breathtaking. I'll let the pictures do the talking from here on :)

All these photos were taken by Derrick of course (it explains why he's missing in them), and he captured the mood and the moments so well. It expresses my exact feelings towards the experience, melancholic, romantic and wonderment.

I've always loved the outdoors because it reminds me of how tiny and vulnerable I am in comparison to the greatness of God's creations. I was happy to have had another opportunity to soak in the beauty of mother nature and life, and to be privileged enough to do so.

The journey back down to the base took slightly less than two hours since we took another route. We were accompanied by some very lovely deer on our drive down to the caravan park which we had made arrangements for. Spent a cosy night chit-chatting over instant noodles and drinks, talking about politics, love and life. Headed out the next morning to make our way back to the city.

In all, it was a short getaway that felt like a whole week. The memories stay fresh in my head, and I hope that in future I'll receive the opportunity to go on a similar trip with my friends (including dear Pei Yi who was already back in Malaysia) again.

Thank you for the memories wolf pack ♡

xx.

Photo credits: @derrickkoo_photo

What being single (oddball) has taught me.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Now before you head on and read the rest of this lengthy post, I'd like to first make a disclaimer and state that writing this wasn't easy. As someone who has been single for the past 21 years of my life, the thoughts shared in this one post are those that I have never been comfortable enough sharing with even my closest friends. There are various reasons for this, the greatest amongst all the fear of being vulnerable. I never saw and gave myself enough credit for the person that I am, but today I have come to love and accept me for being well, me. So here goes :)

I'm one of those girls who grew up as a child with a few admirers who I did admire back in return. I grew up realising a little too late the importance of maintaining a healthy diet and what being a "girl" was. Now before you go all "gender stereotypes" on me, let me just emphasise that I have always been feminine as a child. I was always one who wore dresses and dressed up, not because my mother made me but because I genuinely wanted to. I was always vain as a child, I started wearing heels as young as five years (much to my mothers oppression in actual fact).

Growing up I was the awkward teenager who gained a little too much weight, and having attended a single sex school, I was never one of those girls who gained the attention of any boys that I came across. Blame it on romance novels, but I never was involved in a relationship like any of the other girls that I knew. This was never a problem to me though, because at that stage I was having far too much fun as a teenager to be bothered with boys.

Fast forward to many years later, I turned twenty and I realised that not only had I not gone for a single date, but there was no boy that I knew who was remotely interested in me. Now, I'm not one who'd jump into just any relationship, but you can only imagine the blow it had in my self-esteem. I began questioning if it was my looks that perhaps led to this. Was I not attractive enough for the opposite sex? Or was it my personality? Left and right my friends were getting themselves into relationships, and I felt very left behind. In my bio you would see that I'm an incurable romantic, I always wondered if there was still a possibility for me to find my prince charming given my age. My heart ached each time I realised that I was never going to be one of those attractive girls. Guys won't fall for me like my pretty friends.

But then that's when I realised my mistake.

I wasn't being myself. More often than not I was so caught up wondering what was wrong about me that attracted nobody (okay this is an exaggeration, I have been asked out before but I wasn't comfortable enough to go out with the guy) that I lost myself. I was so caught up with trying to be the perfect girl that the Aisyah I knew was lost in translation.

It wasn't until about eight months ago that I learnt to let go of my doubts. Sure, my friends could be getting into relationships and I could be the last one standing. I am sincerely and genuinely happy for them, and to this there is no doubt :) What I do know though is that once my perspective changed I realised that people were more interested to talk to me. Furthermore, my inability to speak to a member of the opposite sex is now no longer a problem. Before I was so afraid to say a single word to any guy I found attractive simply because I would be afraid of the judgment he would have about me. Once I learnt to let it go and just be who I was, in most cases I found myself not only being confident, but people in general were more interested to listen to what I had to say.

Today I stand before you as a girl who's interested in achieving so much more for herself. I want to grow so much more as a person. I know I will find love someday, I believe that the guy for me is already out there. I may have met him, I may have not. All I know is that my heart is open to the idea of love but I am in no rush to get into a relationship. I think that's the beauty of it isn't it? It's beautiful when things happen so naturally. It's always nice to look back and realise how things fell in place so perfectly.

Ahh, I'm so sorry if I've digressed and gone off topic. I'm feeling rather peaceful and reflective tonight. Have any of you gone through the same thing? Any of you feel me? Do leave a comment, I'd love to know :)

Hope you have a lovely weekend ahead, xx.

People come & go.

I'm sure we've all had those moments, times where we question why some people don't seem to put the same amount of effort into friendships as much as you did. I ask myself this question all the time. As a "giver", I tend to give my all into my relationships. As a teenager I learnt that people show love differently, you can't expect everyone to return your favour. Once I grasped this fact, it increasingly became easier for me to accept and love the people around me for who they were.

However, there are some people that you have to let go.

Image credits: Pinterest

Sometimes, and most unfortunately, the friends you cherish and love have to go. Time moves forward, and people change. You change as well, and the relationship isn't how it used to be. If the relationship is toxic to your health and you find yourself getting affected by it (which isn't how a relationship should be), it's time to let that person go. 

Now here's the thing though. There seems to be a misconception behind this "letting people go". Most times these acts come with negative connotations and emotions behind them. 

Personally, I don't believe in that. I still know that despite the battles that may have been fought, the deafening awkward silences and the nervous eye contacts that now hold so many more barriers than before, this person still once held a very important place in my heart for a reason and for this reason alone I shall always treasure the memories we had together. 

Just because someone is no longer in your life does not mean that the memories they made with you walked away with them. Those memories are there to stay, and always remember that at one point in time it was a reason for your smile :)

It really is unfortunate that life is as such, but a wise man once told me "You only have enough space in your heart to love enough people. When someone leaves your life it means their purpose in your life is over. It doesn't erase them completely, they'll make an appearance again sometime."

So for whatever it is worth, thank you to everyone who has been in my life. I know someday that the people around me will disappear one by one, and by disappear I don't mean completely but that lives move on and responsibilities change. I treasure everyone so so much and I know these memories won't disappear anytime soon.

Hope you don't mind me rambling and posting my thoughts out once in a while, I've been going through quite a period lately and am feeling rather pensive tonight. 

Hope you've all had a good week thus far dearies, happy midweek xx.

My happy place :)

Often in life we focus on the bad things that happen to us. We allow it to take over our life and some of us fall into the trap of allowing it to take control of our decisions and the actions of people around us. Very often it's a game that the mind plays on you. The issues you have are always blown out of proportion and we fail to see that. 

I can honestly say right now that I don't think I've felt this happy in years. I've achieved a sense of zen not only with life but with myself. As someone who's grappled with self-esteem issues for the past two decades, I can genuinely say that I've learnt to love myself for who I am. I now no longer need to compare myself to others to measure my worth. We are all blessed with different aspects and strengths that make us who we are. Measuring and comparing yourself to others isn't only going to put you down but it's going to cause you to rate others as well and this may place a strain on your friendship.

I now know that I am not as terrible or ugly as a person as I once thought I was, I've learnt to be comfortable in my own skin and I'm no longer afraid to share my beliefs to others. It's who I am and it's not something that I can run away from. Running away from yourself is running away from the truth, and you're never going to be able to achieve inner peace if you're constantly doing that.

I hope that everyone out there eventually learns to achieve inner peace with themselves. It's not an easy thing to do, it takes practice (yes, practice) and confidence. But hey, if someone like me can do it, I believe everyone can :)

The first step though? Stop pointing and looking at the flaws and strengths of others. Focus on yourself instead. What is your strength? What do you think you possess that makes you uniquely you? What then are your flaws? Is it manageable? Or is it something that you want to be rid of. Give yourself space, we all have flaws but it's okay as long as we know it exists and learn to manage it when it crops up.

Have faith and love yourselves :) My only wish is that everyone would someday experience the inner peace I have learnt to achieve with myself.

Xx.