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I'm one of those girls who grew up as a child with a few admirers who I did admire back in return. I grew up realising a little too late the importance of maintaining a healthy diet and what being a "girl" was. Now before you go all "gender stereotypes" on me, let me just emphasise that I have always been feminine as a child. I was always one who wore dresses and dressed up, not because my mother made me but because I genuinely wanted to. I was always vain as a child, I started wearing heels as young as five years (much to my mothers oppression in actual fact).
Growing up I was the awkward teenager who gained a little too much weight, and having attended a single sex school, I was never one of those girls who gained the attention of any boys that I came across. Blame it on romance novels, but I never was involved in a relationship like any of the other girls that I knew. This was never a problem to me though, because at that stage I was having far too much fun as a teenager to be bothered with boys.
Fast forward to many years later, I turned twenty and I realised that not only had I not gone for a single date, but there was no boy that I knew who was remotely interested in me. Now, I'm not one who'd jump into just any relationship, but you can only imagine the blow it had in my self-esteem. I began questioning if it was my looks that perhaps led to this. Was I not attractive enough for the opposite sex? Or was it my personality? Left and right my friends were getting themselves into relationships, and I felt very left behind. In my bio you would see that I'm an incurable romantic, I always wondered if there was still a possibility for me to find my prince charming given my age. My heart ached each time I realised that I was never going to be one of those attractive girls. Guys won't fall for me like my pretty friends.
But then that's when I realised my mistake.
I wasn't being myself. More often than not I was so caught up wondering what was wrong about me that attracted nobody (okay this is an exaggeration, I have been asked out before but I wasn't comfortable enough to go out with the guy) that I lost myself. I was so caught up with trying to be the perfect girl that the Aisyah I knew was lost in translation.
It wasn't until about eight months ago that I learnt to let go of my doubts. Sure, my friends could be getting into relationships and I could be the last one standing. I am sincerely and genuinely happy for them, and to this there is no doubt :) What I do know though is that once my perspective changed I realised that people were more interested to talk to me. Furthermore, my inability to speak to a member of the opposite sex is now no longer a problem. Before I was so afraid to say a single word to any guy I found attractive simply because I would be afraid of the judgment he would have about me. Once I learnt to let it go and just be who I was, in most cases I found myself not only being confident, but people in general were more interested to listen to what I had to say.
Today I stand before you as a girl who's interested in achieving so much more for herself. I want to grow so much more as a person. I know I will find love someday, I believe that the guy for me is already out there. I may have met him, I may have not. All I know is that my heart is open to the idea of love but I am in no rush to get into a relationship. I think that's the beauty of it isn't it? It's beautiful when things happen so naturally. It's always nice to look back and realise how things fell in place so perfectly.
Ahh, I'm so sorry if I've digressed and gone off topic. I'm feeling rather peaceful and reflective tonight. Have any of you gone through the same thing? Any of you feel me? Do leave a comment, I'd love to know :)
Hope you have a lovely weekend ahead, xx.
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