I watched Brooklyn in 2015, sometime at the end of the year while I was at the lowest point in my life. It was a movie that came to me by surprise, because it wasn't recommended by a friend nor was it actually a title I was aware of. I happened to be on iTunes, saw Saoirse Ronan on the cover, and felt compelled to watch it (absolutely a fan or Saoirse Ronan - I fell in love with her since I caught Lovely Bones those years ago).
And how lovely a movie it was.
Since then, I've caught Brooklyn more than 100 times I'm sure. It leaves me with a dull ache in my heart, one that yearns so much for love and possibilities for the future. I am obsessed with the narratives, the art that is presented in the cinematography of the movie and the chemistry between the actors.
It is also in this movie that I fell in love with Tony.
Not that anyone cares, but Brooklyn started out as a romantic movie for me. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy ends up with girl. Of course, the course of true love never did run smooth, but they make their way back to each other in the end.
Of course, when you repeatedly watch a movie like I do it's impossible not to form a different opinion and perspective of the show. Where I was thought Eilis settled, I've come to realise that she chose Brooklyn over Ireland. It's not so much a decision between which man she chooses to be with, but the life and place she chooses to create a future in.
I've yet to read the book, so these opinions are based solely off the movie and the tone it tried to set. I don't believe she chose to ignore Tony's letters because she disliked him - think she was just running away from the truth. When you stay in two different places, you sort of form two different identities.
Which identity is most true to you then?
In this era of covid, Brooklyn hits home hard. The inability to travel and explore a new place leaves me yearning for the part of myself that is absent here. Don't get me wrong, I feel terribly privileged to be able to have these thoughts - but I also feel a sort of emptiness too.
My identity here is tied to my success in my career and in my relationship (or lack thereof). I feel submerged in a wave of people who link these points to my worth - and while I know that it's not an important calculator of success, I can't help but be drowned in it.
I love my job, I love my singlehood. I love the future of unknowns and the possibilities of what my life will bring. I am excited at what the future holds in store for us all. Yet how do I strike a healthy balance between this knowledge and outside noise? At times I wish to block the world out and just focus on what feeds me. I suppose that's how all successful people get to their peak. They're able to strike a balance in this aspect.
I've got to find an outlet of sorts - something creative. I can't stand being idle. It's too boring.
Maybe it's time to take out my watercolours, clay, pens... time to get vulnerable.
xx.
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