The walls in my head.

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Work gives me the opportunity to inspire teenagers and others around me. Likewise, I too am inspired by them. 

I don't want to disclose too much about what I do at work exactly because I don't know what i'm allowed to mention. But I suppose it would be alright for me to say that a part (this is just a small part of it) of what we share include life skills as well as overcoming the voices inside our heads that prevent us from achieving our dreams. 

A particular segment about dreams recently came up one day and it made me reflect about my life and the dreams that I once had. What happened to those dreams? Rather, I realised that I no longer allowed myself to dream. It was as if dreaming of a good future was almost forbidden because I did not think I deserved it. Why do I allow myself to treat me so harshly? 

It all started when my colleague shared a story of his way back when he was in high school. A teacher had asked him to fold a piece of paper into eight equal rectangles. Upon doing so, she then instructed him to tear out 1 full rectangle and half of the rectangle next to it from the piece of paper (the rectangle was to be torn from the outermost corner of the paper). Each rectangle represented ten years. As my colleague was 15 back then, he had torn off 15 of the supposedly 80 years of his life from that piece of paper. His teacher then instructed him to write down what he hoped to achieve within each decade in the respective rectangles. In other words, things like "graduate from University", "get married", etc. He didn't need to be specific with the age, he only had to write it down in the appropriate rectangle. 

This story triggered something within me. Age to me after all has been nothing but a number. The reality though, is that age catches up to you. I don't mean in terms of how you look or how your joints start giving in though. To me, the term annotates the amount of responsibility I will have to take with not only my life but my family. There will come a day where I will eventually end up being the one taking care of my parents even when I'm married, and it's important that I have a stable enough income to provide for them. 

That aside, it made me realise that I've only taken up two out of the eight rectangles in that entire piece of paper. There are still several more rectangles for me to fill up and achieve the dreams that I have always wanted. Why did I confine myself within the walls of my head that told myself it was impossible to achieve greater and better things? 

"Life is not a race but a marathon."

It's not about how fast you get to the end point but the journey you make to get there. The answer was always there but I chose to cloud that with my own beliefs. Without realising it I chose to see that I had already failed to achieve anything great in life. I only saw things going downhill from here.

...what a terrible thought :( 

That said, I've allowed myself to dream again and I know that there are several opportunities for me out there. I have to take everything a step at a time. After all, it always takes time doesn't it? :) I have a dream for what I want to be in the working world once I graduate and start working full time. As it is now, I know that it will take several years before I get there but I am willing to make my way there slowly. God willing, should this be the right path for me, I only pray that it go smoothly. 

With that I would just like to end off by encouraging everyone out there to get rid of the voices around you that bring you down. Get rid of people who are negative voices in your life but most importantly, get rid of your negative voice. You are worth so much more and life has so much more in store waiting for you. Don't cloud yourself with lies. Choose positivity! :) 

With love, xx.

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