I believe everything is okay.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Moments like these, you remember that you are but a small tiny human living in the world of your Creator. Very often, I tend to forget how small and insignificant I am until something big happens. But just how many times do big unfortunate events have to take place before I finally learn?

May the victims and families of the #sabahquake find peace and comfort in the days to come. That is all I would like to say about said string of events.

It has been hard to concentrate on my work, but I am grateful for friends who have been helping me along the process. If there is one thing I've come to realise, its that I have learnt to accept that this is what life is. To not complain that it has happened to me, but to realise that it is beyond my grasp and control and that I eventually have to submit to Him.

Which then brings me to my next point. I am who I am because of what I believe in and the values that make me. To give credit to my parents and family who've so tirelessly raised me definitely holds true, but I think it cannot be denied that the underlying factor that makes my entire family what we are are the values behind the beauty of the religion we believe in. Needless to say, we try to be better people of faith and it should also be remembered that what one person of faith does is not representative of the entire religion.

I guess I brought this last point up because if you left because of the commitments that were involved, then I don't think I've made a loss. It still hurts, but I will get through it as time passes. Never again will I feel sad for being who I am, that's just not right. But if you do change your mind...

...what am I hoping for? I don't even know if that's the reason why in the first place. I guess attraction dies faster than I thought.

xx

Shinee - An Encore

So, it's officially the first Saturday since school ended. It's the annual week of leave for students to study at home before the examinations begin. I'd like to commemorate a post to what this semester has been and meant for me but I feel like I should be investing that time towards studying instead :P #procastinationatbest

Anyway, I felt like sharing a lil song that's been on replay for the past two days. I'm not sure how much people like K-pop, but as I always say, don't judge Kpop based on the plastic surgery, pretty boys and editing that goes into post-production. Also, Kpop isn't just Psy and Gangnam Style. 

I love listening to foreign songs when I study because I find it to be less distracting considering how I don't understand the language. It calms me down, and this song in particular has had very therapeutic effects on my soul. In what I thought was a period of stress and worry, this song has helped me calm down and think a lot more rationally. Basically my point is this: 

This song is amazing and everyone should listen to it. 

Needless to say it's sung by the very first Kpop group I fell in love with and grew up with. I can't believe it's been 7 years since I ventured into this world of Kpop. I don't regret it. It's brought me a lot of happiness over the years and I'm glad to see the artists that I support grow in the process too. 

I'm so in love with this particular performance too because Shinee was flawless. Such a beautiful song with beautiful voices and people. Much love :) 

Ah, I better get back to my statistics now. Till then, I'll see you guys real soon :) 

xx

Settling for less.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Whilst we very often think that true love / love finds its way into the lives of people, the harsh truth is that there are some people who don't get the opportunity to have such experiences with a significant other.

The love I'm referring to here does not include familial or friendship love, rather I'm speaking of a romantic love, the type of love two people feel strongly about each other for.

When a person remains single for too long, he eventually starts questioning if the problem lies with him. Could he possibly be so unattractive to the point that there isn't one trait about him that's likeable for someone else? Basically, your attitude is shaped accordingly and I personally think that it creates higher and harder walls that are more difficult to break down if someone does eventually come along. And yes, I use if because I know that my hopes won't be too high if I were in that position...

But that's not the point of this post. Rather, I've begun wondering what "settling for less" means. When someone who hasn't had the chance to experience such love before finds someone who shows interest, do they simply settle for that person? So yeah, he likes me and I like him too. But are you settling for him because he likes you or because he genuinely is good to you? Just because someone likes you doesn't necessarily equate to them being good to you :/

This idea and concept was clear to me as a teenager. Stupidly enough, whatever I saw on the television / read in books was what set the bar as enough for me. Along the way, friends started falling in love and judging from their experiences, the books and shows seemed pretty accurate.

However, at an older and (hopefully) matured age I slowly am beginning to question my definition of the phrase. You see, the chase would most definitely be different according to the age group you fall in. Should a forty year old pursue a woman the same way a sixteen year old does, chances are he'd be viewed as a creep / immature man. Or as they say, he's thirsty for something. You're expected to be more matured and adult in dealing with relationships as you get older. I don't think this is a problem, it's just something that comes with age.

That said, I've come to realise that I don't know what the bar is any longer. It also made me wonder why you can't just like someone and enjoy your time with them simply because you actually like them. I mean, if it is clear that he isn't interested in you that way after you've shown him signs then obviously you're only hurting yourself by spending so much time with him. But if there is that slight chance, does it matter if he isn't fulfilling the things you've seen in the television / read in books?

Then there's the social construct of how girls shouldn't chase after the guy and invest more in the relationship during the early stages because chances are thats how its going to be for the rest of their lives. Well, lets just say I've known friends who started their relationship that way, but five years down the road the tables have turned. The boyfriends I once wished my friends saw were bad for them are now so committed and invested into the relationship. That's why I think it doesn't matter who confesses first, #girlpower.

I guess at the end of the day, I know that my definition of less would refer to him treating me with no respect. If he sees me as an object rather than a person with feelings and emotion, then I'd only be embarrassed to have seen something in him in the first place. With regards to romantic gestures and the like, I've long since lowered my expectations.

Follow your heart, but also remember that everyone expresses their emotions differently. But if at some point in time you feel like you're really settling for less, then don't ever be too afraid to end things because you're worth so much more than that.

I wish I could explain things better. What kind of blogger am I?
xx.

When is it time to grow up?

Image source: Pinterest

I don't think I've ever been a rebellious kid my entire life growing up. Rather, if my parents were to ever tell someone I was rebellious, I know for a fact I'd strongly rebel against them for making that statement. I'm not the most well-behaved, but as far as being rebellious, the most I've come close to is maybe just coming back half an hour later than the time I promised.

Yep, #thuglife.

For someone who's centred her parents blessings around her life, I guess you could say I'm the sort of person who'd tell my parents things that I'm up to (for the most part, you can't possibly update them on everything) and ask them for their permission before doing certain things. Firstly, they are the ones supporting me financially and I only feel it right to ask them for permission regarding doing certain things that involves spending. Secondly, because I truly believe in a parents' blessings and I know that if I were to do anything naughty without their knowledge nothing good is going to come out from it.

Lately though I've come to realise that I don't feel the need to tell them or ask them as much as I used to. For instance, there are things that I am ashamed to say I have done recently (nothing major) that I know they would not have approved of. Furthermore, there are some things I have been doing independently and decisions that I am considering to make (life changing ones) which I have not yet discussed with them.

I blame the long distance for the poor communication between my parents and I, but I guess the truth is that I want to make these decisions for myself. I know I am going to make mistakes along the way, and sometimes it may cause a lot of harm and damage but isn't that a necessary stage and process of growing up? Perhaps it's Asian parenting, we kids grow up listening to our elders and doing things to make them happy. I don't discourage or dislike this practise, and in fact am hoping to someday raise my children with this mindset. Yet at the same time, I feel like it is time for me to make some decisions by myself without constantly worrying about not having told my parents or asking them for their permission.

When is it the right time to do things by yourself?

Perhaps I have been too sheltered (I disagree on this point personally though), but the truth is that I think I am too afraid to venture into the vast unknown by myself. Thus, by making it seem that my parents prevent me from taking on certain opportunities, I give myself a valid excuse to stop myself from giving something a go.

As my mum always said, if I wanted something, my mind would have already been made up and I would fight my way for it no matter what. If I didn't want it badly, no matter what anyone said - parents included - I wouldn't pursue it if something came in my way. I suppose this statement rings true for a lot of people, but if this is the case for me then I must have not wanted a lot of things...

Alas, I am 22 now. It's time to grow up buddy, time to face the real world. Gotta take it one step at a time. I guess I won't stop from ever telling my parents my decisions as well as ask them for their blessing and permission on certain things. But if there's one thing I really need to work on, it's making a concrete plan to present to them to have them see that I know what it is I'm talking about in the first place.

The last paragraph just brought my attention to the underlying problem behind this entire post. Good job Aisyah.

Anyone in a similar predicament?

xx

Quarterly Review

Image Credits: Pinterest

It's madness that a quarter of the year has flown by just like that. And as always, I sit back in my chair and reflect on the things that I have / have not done and accomplished thus far.

There's a weird feeling and emotion that's attached to me. Since turning 18, I find myself unable to move forward as the years go by. I don't mean that I'm unable to put the past behind and face the truth of what life is (perhaps to a certain extent, I am very wary of the future and may explain my unwillingness to face reality), but it's inclined rather towards my inability to see myself at any other age but that. 18. E-I-G-H-T-E-E-N.

Mentally, I know I'm far beyond that. Well, at least I'd like to think so. Yet at the same time I can't seem to step out of this mental understanding and bubble that I am no longer a teen but I am already in my twenties. In three years I'll be celebrating my 25th birthday and heaven forbid where I'd be at that point in time. Most probably would still be feeling stranded and helpless as always. I only pray and hope I'd be more grounded by then.

So, a review of what the past four months have been like for me. I think it's important to reflect on what I've accomplished and done for improvements. I don't know if I speak for most people out there, but I know I'm a lot more productive with my life if I set goals and targets for myself. And as always, these goals need to be checked up on every once in a while. So, let's get started.

1) Health - Physical
I'm definitely putting this first because this is one aspect of my life that I've been consistent with for the past few months. I'm usually inconsistent with my exercise regiment, often I'd be active for one or two months and then I'll have a long period of inactivity before pursuing it again. I've made some changes to my fitness regiment, and I have a post about it coming up real soon, so stay tuned for that! :) Basically, I've been exercising at least three times a week plus eating a lot healthier than before. So kudos to me!! And I'm glad because I can see the difference in my emotional state as well as physical state, and it makes me feel so powerful inside out. I now lust after workout gear and sports shoes more than I do for other types of clothing products...

2) Health - Spiritual
I have to include this in because this past year has seen a huge improvement in terms of my spiritual health and mental well-being. Where I used to slack off, I'm so proud of how much I've improved. At times it comes back, but I remind myself of why I'm blessed to be where and who I am right now, and that I'll always return to Him at the end of the day. Enough about this, I just felt I needed to write it in to remind myself that this has played a significant role altogether in my life this year :)

3) Health - Mental
Tying up to the previous point, I find myself a lot more at ease with the things that are beyond my control. Jealousy, hatred and anger have been replaced with understanding, love and patience. I won't deny that these emotions creep up on me at times, but I can honestly state that the number of times it's happened can be counted with my fingertips. It's ironic that the one thing that's assisted greatly with this issue is social media considering this blog I'm attempting to run :P

Many great things have happened to me over the past four months. I've been blessed with new experiences, things that I never in my wildest dreams thought would happen to me. I've learnt to open up my heart to love more, to understand people better and to accept them for who they are. To truly invest time in those who are important to me and to remain respectful and friendly to those who aren't. Let's face it, you can't possibly love every single person in the entire world, but there is so much more you can invest in emotionally than hate towards another person.

Academically, I've been coping well. I've also strengthened and made many new friends the past four months :) I've said this time and again, but when people leave, new ones enter. And I'm going to emphasise once more, those who I categorise as having "left" are still there in spirit, they're just no longer physically with me here down under.

There are many more things to look forward to in the coming months. I've a new source of income and I'm hoping that this would only provide more opportunities to buy new stuff to share with reviews with you!! I kid you not when I state that I've hardly spent any money on make-up or clothes (proud of myself!!!) this year so far. I am however itching to buy some new lipsticks since winter is a-coming and I'm dying to use some really dark colours.

With that, I suppose the past four months haven't been so bad :) I still haven't accomplished my wanting to learn a second language fluently yet. Neither have I fully accomplished my want to stop walking so fast. I forgot about it the past month and subconsciously went back to my bad ways. I'm glad I went back to that post because now I am going to take more effort into reminding myself!!

It's 11.11pm, Sunday the 10th of May right now as I type this sentence. They say to make a wish when it's 11.11.

***

I've made my wish :) Silly of me, I know.

I really do love blogging so much, it's such a form of catharsis. A few nights ago I was feeling lost and troubled, and tonight I feel like I've let it all out through this post.

Now that I've sorted out my thoughts, it's time to put the plans and targets out on a piece of paper. Did you know that writing out your goals on a piece of paper makes it a mission for you? Once the ink has dried on the piece of paper it's confirmation that you've set these goals out for yourself and hence should complete them. Just something I learnt :)

Till then, much loves and I'll see you real soon! :)
xx.

Confused and stranded.

Image Credits: Pinterest

One of the greatest ironies of life is when you like to help others but fail in doing so to yourself.

How fast do feelings come and go? You spend years of your life trying to get rid of your low self-esteem. You start saying good positive things, you spread these thoughts throughout the entire course of your body. And then finally, after years of positive reinforcement, you finally trained yourself to start seeing and thinking good thoughts. Just when you think you've reached what's the highest point in your life, something good comes your way. You are beyond excited, exhilarated even at the thought of what could be. Things feel good, you feel it in your bones. Your intuition is never wrong, so why worry about it when you know everything will be alright?

Then just as you think it couldn't get any better, it starts to fade. You're confused, you've never experienced such a thing before, never had any experience yourself to give you advice on the next course of action. Friends? Who do you turn to? Asking someone for help is as good as giving it a reason to be a problem. It's the last thing you want to be a problem.

You spend the next few days trying to stop thinking about things. Your intuition tells you by now that you should give up, that there is no point. You smile to hide the pain, you cry inside but you refuse to give in. You distract yourself, you question and ponder. You avoid any weird articles from thoughtcatalog. You don't want to admit that it is a problem, that it affects you more than you want to believe so.

Maybe you're not smart enough. You question if there's something wrong with you. Maybe you come across as a bimbo. Or maybe you come across as too aggressive. You could also just be an annoying whiny person who is too high maintenance. You question and question and just when you think you have it all, you slowly find yourself falling back to the motions of the past that you so long worked to eradicate.

But today, today I tell myself that I can't help what happens in life. I can't choose to make the decisions made by others, neither can I choose to make the decisions people feel. I'm frustrated because I can't give myself any advice and I don't know if I deserve to ask others for help for the simple reason that I myself am unsure if there was ever a problem to begin with. Maybe it's not a problem, but even if I were to ask someone for advice, how would I phrase it?

Perhaps I look into things a little too much. I fall easily, and for that reason I keep my walls up very high. I knew I wasn't going to repeat the same mistake I did before. Getting hurt may make you seem like the bigger person, but the truth is no one wants to go through the emotional pain it brings. Fret not, for I don't think I am at that stage of fatality emotionally.

Only time will tell, and time alone will heal. I'm not going to stop being the person I am, and despite what comes my way I truly believe that I did what I could. This post most probably - and definitely - does not fully encapsulate the emotions and thoughts that are currently clouding my head.

I'm confused, and I only wish I could understand things a little better.
xx.

The Script - No Sound Without Silence Tour

Last Wednesday, my friends and I had the amazing opportunity to watch The Script live at the Rod Laver Arena. I didn't have any expectations for the concert, but I knew beforehand that the band was well-known for throwing ridiculously good ones.

T-5 days to the concert, I found myself furiously memorising every single song that was in their line-up. I didn't want to miss out on a single lyric, not after my experience at the Ed Sheeran concert a month earlier.

Pre concert, looking highly excited!!

We didn't purchase General Admission tickets seeing as we were old women, but I have to say I regret not doing so. My feet were thankful, but I think The Script is worth a GA ticket for the next round.

The concert was amazing. I enjoyed every single second of it. I was on a sugar high the entire night but blood was coursing through my veins throughout. The songs were perfectly performed, plus the Script and all their Irish beauty were 'blerdy entertainin' the entire two hours!! The best part yet was when Danny performed a song for an ex-boyfriend from one member of the audience. The guy hung up towards the end but Danny called back and called him an asshole for putting it down. It was great!! If I were on the other end, I'd just be enjoying the free song to be honest.

It's been close to a week but I'm still suffering from post-concert withdrawals. I've been replaying the entire line-up over and over again. The Script is definitely a band you should watch live. I value bands that are able to engage the entire crowd as well as they did. Plus their songs are amazing, what else is there to that??

We had a bloomin' good time The Script!!!!!! Please come back soon, I'll definitely go for your concert again.

Photo credits: Myself and Megan Lim (general admission).

xx.

An emotional night.

Image credits: Pinterest

I've always marvelled at the human body's ability to feel. To be able to feel is such a wonderful thing. Yet it's such a love-hate relationship we have with it.

I love having the ability to feel. Simply put, I feel much more human that way. On nights like these though, sometimes I wish I had the ability to hold it, put it on pause or numb certain feelings. One main problem that comes with a very strong ability to feel emotion is allowing it to take over.

I replay these thoughts in my head, and it's not looking to be a very promising night. Very often I end up staring at my computer, refreshing the same page over and over again, and then waste time thinking about thoughts that are beyond my control.

Sigh, if only life were a lot easier sometimes huh? Guess it's just going to be one of those nights... :(

Time to bring out some chamomile tea. Hopefully it'll ease me into sleeping.
xx

A lil note from me to you;

Image Credits: Facebook

You are beautiful just the way you are :) Just a little end of the week quote for anyone who might be feeling a lil' down in the dumps. Remember to keep on smiling because you never know who's day you're making with that beautiful smile :)

Xx.

Be kind... to yourself.

Photo credits: C

The weekend after Easter has arrived and just like that, the mid semester break is about to come to a close. I can't say I've had a boring week, it was exciting in it's own little way but I was able to get a lot of relaxation through it all.

Over the past few days I've been thinking about the things we think we deserve. The most common phrase that comes to mind with these words has to be: "We accept the love we think we deserve". But I think it transcends just love, there are so many more aspects in life that we feel we do or do not deserve.

I have very often struggled to come to terms with myself. People around me see the good sides of me, and even if they see the bad sides they're still able to put up with those flaws and love me all the same. Seeing as how we're our harshest critic, I found it difficult to accept my flaws. I don't mean physical flaws, I'm leaning towards emotional and (perhaps) psychological flaws.

A friend told me that we have three different personalities. Our public, personal and private personalities. Public refers to the personality we take on when we meet people. Personal refers to the personality we have amongst our close group of friends. Private of course, refers to our personality when we're alone.

Understanding things this way makes it a lot easier to see why we may seem to have multiple identities. One issue I had with myself was feeling like a hypocrite. You know, you're smiling on the outside and saying positive things yet inside you're thinking otherwise. How do you live with yourself like that? It could just be me, I've never believed in being hypocritical towards people in that sense. If I don't like someone I don't put myself out of my way to be friendly with the person. I still respect them though, I just don't make effort in wanting to get closer to them.

You may be wondering where this post is headed to. Fret not, I just asked myself a similar question haha.

In a nutshell, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you ever feel like you're undeserving of something, you're never going to be truly happy. We have to learn to accept that we have different personalities and that the thoughts in our head were meant to be in our head for a reason. Unless the thoughts you hold comprise of you wanting to kill someone (in the literal sense of the word), then don't hate yourself too much for it. Such thoughts once in a while is common and you should still love yourself despite these.

So if you've ever felt like you're undeserving of something, hit yourself on the head and take that back. If good things come to you, be grateful and give thanks and embrace the moment as it comes. That is all :)

... I should really work on explaining my posts properly. Such abstract thoughts lead to jumbled up sentences.

xx

Farewell March, you've been kind enough.

I can't believe it's already the end of March! A quarter of the year has gone by just like that, and even though I know this phrase is used way too often, I still wonder: "Where has the time gone??".

March has been a rather interesting albeit tumultuous month. Started the month with school, made a promise to myself for change, failed in some aspects but I have to remind myself that I have to keep on trying. Has this happened to anyone else? You know, you make a promise to yourself to change some aspect of your life but you end up failing. And it's not such a big failure too - although at times the consequences may be rather big - but you deny yourself any form of pleasure because you know you don't deserve it. You beat yourself up harshly and it takes you nowhere but this huge downward spiral that doesn't promise a way out. Well, that was me then and I know that I have to forgive myself yet at the same time punish myself too for misbehaving and failing to carry out what I had promised. I don't know why I fall back into this same pattern, things go well and just as it's about to turn into a habit I give in and it's back to square one. Take deep breaths, stand up straight and march forward. That's all I have to do.

Anyway, the month soon progressed on and before I knew it the second week saw me gracing my birthday with loved ones here down under. It reminded me that love and friendship is always nearby and to count my blessings. School continued, and the weather continued to be in my favour too. I'm always a happy goober here when the weather chooses to be happy too :) (in other words, lots of sunshine and cool breezes).

Towards the end of the month things took a turn. My former Prime Minister passed away and for a long time up till now I am still mourning his death. I believe I have said all that I wanted to in my previous post, but I forgot to mention the unity I felt amongst the people of my country throughout the entire week leading up to the procession of his death. Never have I felt so united as one with the people of my country, bearing the same thoughts as well as worries for what lies ahead in the future. It was a time that I found no comfort being around people who weren't from Singapore because the truth was none of my friends from other countries would understand or feel the same amount of grief as I did. I suppose it's the same elsewhere. I won't deny that my grief over the death of the late Princess Diana ever surmounted to the level of the people of England. That is to say, neither do I treat the late Lee Kuan Yew as a king, I'm merely expressing my inability in expressing and sharing my grief with those who may not understand.

That said, there is light at the end of the tunnel and albeit the sadness that clouded the air, there were some good things too. Firstly, I think I most probably exhausted myself by attending three concerts over three consecutive days. Attended the Miranda Sings concert with a friend, watched Cirque De Soleil with a group of friends and finally, attended Ed Sheeran's concert with some friends too :) I enjoyed myself thoroughly at all three events, and it definitely helped to perk me up from all that sadness.

Anyway, here are some photos from the past week :

I fangirled a whole lot that night. I love Miranda so much, she's my inner soul. 

We customised our own t-shirts!! It was so much fun dressing up pre-concert with my girls, it made the whole experience a  lot more fun :)

And, randoms snippets from the week:

Love the smoothies from Five Plus Smoothies!! So delicious and filling. It's slightly pricey so I only ever purchase it if I've gone through a really good workout at the gym. Plus, it doesn't help my case much considering it's located just next to my gym...

Yummy gelato from Dex2Rose, a nitrogen gelato store co-owned by my friend. I'm not being biased, but I genuinely love the gelato from his store a lot more as compared to the others that I've tried. The flavours suited my palate, the price was reasonable and the location is fantastic. 

In case you wanted to know where it's located, here's the address:

Dex2Rose Nitrogen Gelato

377 Little Bourke Street

 Melbourne VIC 3000 

I love waking up to this view :)

Well, I guess that's it for March. I will be ending this month with another delightful meeting at Toastmasters and then perhaps getting groceries because I am starving myself at home due to the absence of food. Tomorrow shall be the start of a new month, and hopefully the continuation of good habits and the start of better ones.

Hope you've had a lovely March, and I hope you're as excited as I am for the coming weeks to come! :)
Xx