T-172 days

 

-Tony Gordon

Let this be the start for the remaining half of the year. I aspire for only one type of life - a fulfilling one. My 20's were filled with excuses, self discovery, growth and mistakes. Lots of mistakes were made. And several more will be made. However, let the ones made from here on be those that are worthwhile of the time I have been blessed with in a day. 

My head hurts - because there are so many things running through my head. 172 days left to hit my goal of 100,000. Can I do it? 112 days to hit my goal of 68,000. A step at a time. I'm going to document everything here, I want to be able to look back on the days I felt compelled to come to this space to document my thoughts and neaten the voices in my head. 

Today, I'm declaring this goal to myself. 

I'm feeling overwhelmed because the number of appointments I have lined up for the next few weeks are not reflective of one who has such big goals for herself. Hence the problem is simple - I simply need to reach out to more people and service more lives. 

The issue of conviction no longer exists - I believe in the cause of what I do. I simply just need to be more disciplined and laser focus on the things I do during the day that contributes to this goal. 

Bismillah, let's go.
xx.

Motherhood

I saw parents struggle with their children this afternoon during high tea. The children were rolling on the floor, crossing safe distancing boundaries (both legal and potentially personal ones too lmao) and making a lot of noise. None of this bothered me, I find myself more tolerant towards such things unless the children are evidently misbehaving and not - behaving like children. 

The parents took it all in good stride. They never raised their voices, didn't appear to be frustrated that the kids were being naughty at the start. They were firm in telling them what was appropriate and soon after all that rolling and noise turned into a couple of kids seated in their chairs chewing on food - not without noise of course, but well-behaved. 

I then queued behind these parents while waiting for my food and saw them heave a huge sigh as if they'd just finished fighting a battle. 😂

-------

I don't often think of motherhood because I'm single. No point thinking of something until there's a need to really. I used to want to be a mother and start a family when I was younger. I guess these thoughts crossed my mind well into adulthood too. However as I crossed the 28year mark, I started placing less priority on motherhood as a whole. Being single aside, my career means a lot to me too. I don't feel I'm anywhere near where I want to be where that's concerned and I know I won't be a very inspiring power woman who'll manage everything that's thrown to me. I have very little faith...

Anyway, I sat there at the table seated across my mother, and wondered what she'd say if I ever told her I may not want children. Disappointment perhaps, but I know she'll never force me to do something beyond her control. I've never been able to be controlled anyway lol. 

Guess that question will stay a big what if for now. Regardless, a big kudos to all mothers out there. Mothers being the generic term to represent all parents. You don't get as much credit for all that you do.

xx.

Time;

I find it so lame each time the phrase 'in the blink of an eye' is used to describe time. I mean, I get it. It passes by, you were busy (or not as busy as you had hoped to be) and before you know it a lot of time has come and gone. Yet the only way I can find myself describing time this time is - you guessed it! - through the use of said lame phrase. 

The year is coming to a close in 3 weeks. So much to do, so little time. So many goals not achieved, so many things to reflect on. 

Whether or not we choose to believe in time being a construct of man, it's also time that provides a form of peace and system. The beginning of a new year brings a hope of a new version of you. I speak for myself in saying that it's true. When 2021 came, I felt nothing but relief. Mostly because 2020 was a horrendous and dark year for me.

However, 2021 taught me something very different from the usual belief of needing to start anew. We run on this earth with many years on our timeline if we're lucky. Why wait until the dawn of a new age before change is made? Maybe you'll scoff if you read this, all I can say is I'm glad I've finally accepted this truth before it got too late. It's still a construct I need to unlearn, and that is always a hard thing to do... but next year (ironic much?) I hope to be a lot better in managing and dealing with this construct of time.

The only thing I hope to hold dearly for next year is to keep my dreams secret. To store them only for myself and to not go around sharing them with even my closest confidantes. No reason behind it, just that I am tired of being a disappointment to the people around me. 

...myself especially. 

Till then (and in case I don't come back before then), a happy new year in advance <3

xx.

This is me

When the world seems too overwhelming and against you on all fronts, remind yourself that who you are today is enough. 

Never forget, never forgive. 

xx.

Mountains and days;

 The passage of time is a marvellous thing. It allows for so much - healing, growth, fascinating experiences one can only hope to laugh at some time in the future... 

Yet what then is time during this season of Covid when everything is either too slow or too fast? Abysmal days are prolonged, excitement seems to end too soon and grief - dear grief. It feels like time drags on its feet. 

It's been 6months since the loss of my Yai, and 3months since the loss of my Datok. Death has a different ring and tune to it in these times - mostly because mourning is experienced too differently. You're not allowed to mourn together, because you can't be together. 

I anticipated this year to happen as it did. And I thought being prepared would help with the coping process. I was grateful that I was able to be there towards the end, and have no regrets that they were able to depart peacefully. But since then, I don't think I was ever able to properly grief.

Like a robot, I allowed myself to focus on work. Not that it was entirely productive, I don't think. I'm not even certain I was conscious of my own thoughts and feelings at the time. I just continued living like the living do - and operated as I always did. 

And so results in the cacophony of deafening alarm bells, as my world starts to spin in a way that leaves me bleak and desolate. I am unfeeling, I simply exist. My emotions and feelings are so caught up in some dimension that has yet to be untapped. I don't really know how to unmask this despite my various attempts. 

All I know is I feel immense loss. I miss you both so dearly. I don't think I realised how much I loved you till you were no longer here. 

Thinking of you always, my dear Yai and Datok. Thank you for loving me.

xx.

Brooklyn

I watched Brooklyn in 2015, sometime at the end of the year while I was at the lowest point in my life. It was a movie that came to me by surprise, because it wasn't recommended by a friend nor was it actually a title I was aware of. I happened to be on iTunes, saw Saoirse Ronan on the cover, and felt compelled to watch it (absolutely a fan or Saoirse Ronan - I fell in love with her since I caught Lovely Bones those years ago). 

And how lovely a movie it was. 

Since then, I've caught Brooklyn more than 100 times I'm sure. It leaves me with a dull ache in my heart, one that yearns so much for love and possibilities for the future. I am obsessed with the narratives, the art that is presented in the cinematography of the movie and the chemistry between the actors. 

It is also in this movie that I fell in love with Tony. 

Not that anyone cares, but Brooklyn started out as a romantic movie for me. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy ends up with girl. Of course, the course of true love never did run smooth, but they make their way back to each other in the end. 

Of course, when you repeatedly watch a movie like I do it's impossible not to form a different opinion and perspective of the show. Where I was thought Eilis settled, I've come to realise that she chose Brooklyn over Ireland. It's not so much a decision between which man she chooses to be with, but the life and place she chooses to create a future in. 

I've yet to read the book, so these opinions are based solely off the movie and the tone it tried to set. I don't believe she chose to ignore Tony's letters because she disliked him - think she was just running away from the truth. When you stay in two different places, you sort of form two different identities. 

Which identity is most true to you then?

In this era of covid, Brooklyn hits home hard. The inability to travel and explore a new place leaves me yearning for the part of myself that is absent here. Don't get me wrong, I feel terribly privileged to be able to have these thoughts - but I also feel a sort of emptiness too. 

My identity here is tied to my success in my career and in my relationship (or lack thereof). I feel submerged in a wave of people who link these points to my worth - and while I know that it's not an important calculator of success, I can't help but be drowned in it. 

I love my job, I love my singlehood. I love the future of unknowns and the possibilities of what my life will bring. I am excited at what the future holds in store for us all. Yet how do I strike a healthy balance between this knowledge and outside noise? At times I wish to block the world out and just focus on what feeds me. I suppose that's how all successful people get to their peak. They're able to strike a balance in this aspect.

I've got to find an outlet of sorts - something creative. I can't stand being idle. It's too boring. 

Maybe it's time to take out my watercolours, clay, pens... time to get vulnerable. 

xx.

Tightly grasped.

There are very few things that I cling on to quite dearly with almost no intention of letting go. The tight grasp on these things - I’ve come to realise - stem from the memories I have from the period in which these things takes place. 

Like all things that reminisce on the past, Reply 1997 is a show that I hold on to so dearly no matter how many times I come back to. It’s not a) the nostalgia of the short period during the 90’s that I got to enjoy that’s reflected in the show, and neither is it b) the friends-esque vibe from the ensemble. My personal attraction towards Jung Eunji, her character, coupled with the fact that I caught this show during the lowest period of my life makes it difficult to cut the chord that binds me to the feelings I want to keep dear. 

Fleeting as it always is, my youth is now gone. Though I don’t think it lacked anything, there are of course feelings of sadness towards events that transpired. Through the looking glass, I see an empty vessel. There is a shell, but the element inside is gone. 

Perhaps that is why Reply 1997, for as absurd as it may sound, brought me to tears. No one really wins in the show. They each lost before they were found. 

The tears may have been a result from my desire to have an ending as bittersweet as that of Shiwon’s. It could have also been a result of my lost youth. Or maybe, just maybe... it’s because I find it very hard to believe in happy bittersweet endings. That my happiest periods were back when I was a teenager, and that I’m finding it increasingly difficult to grasp on to the string of those memories as I progress on in life. 

“We were passionate, innocent and we desperately miss that time.

Can you hear it? If you can hear me, reply. 

Dear the 90’s.”

Covid ‘19 | Entering Week 2 of the Circuit Breaker

Singapore’s circuit breaker - aka CB, an acronym I’m quite sure the government came up with for an added little bit of humour - is officially into its second week starting today. The above picture pretty much sums up my view the past few days. Meetings have been taken online, dinners and outings with friends have had to be innovated to suit the virtual climate we’re now faced with and more than anything, the screen is now the only means we have to satiate our craving for the human interaction.

I can’t complain much though, because this CB has actually been more productive for me than it has for most people. The cut in travel time has given me more opportunity to focus on other things that I otherwise would procrastinate on if I were to head down to the office and for my appointments on the daily. The other side to this story though is that I experienced a burn out towards the end of the week.

On the mental health side, I’ve been finding ways to cope with the situation whilst maintaining my sanity. I’m trying to include exercise more frequently into my schedule because it helps tremendously with my anxiety, but apart from that I find that keeping myself busy to exhaustion is the only way to get the time to pass by.

In the grander scheme of things, I am grateful that my family members are all healthy and safe from the virus and above all, to have a roof and safe place to be contained in this period. I feel helpless at the number of people who don’t share the same privilege. Regardless, I believe this is a shared experience we’re going through as one humankind. How you come out of this should not matter to someone else. Your management and ability to cope with this is not any less worthy or important than the next person. Just please, please please stay home as much as possible if you can. That’s the only way we can beat this together.

We can and we will. I don’t believe we’ll come out of this the same person.

Hang in there everyone.

Xx.

26.

Another year, and still none the wiser. 

As always, the week beckoning the arrival of my birth date is always filled with much trepidation. The desire to not turn a year older, yet being fully aware that the Sun will continue to rise the next day leaves little to no room for me to properly plan my mental well being and how I would like to view and approach the "big day". As always, I procrastinate and set aside my emotions, always failing to recall that refusing to acknowledge my feelings leaves me with a massive outpour of tears, confusion and guilt once the day arrives.

This year was no different.

I return from an emotionally driven morning at work, and collapse on the lower staircase of the house and start crying uncontrollably. I allow myself time to cry, and give myself the opportunity to feel some sense of grief and pity for my state. Five minutes pass, I regain my composure and come to terms that the tears that've been shed shall mark the decision to properly tuck the pain and the past behind. Onward, your life hereon may be filled with comments and words from the naysayers, but may you never forget who you're living this life for. As nervous as I may be for the future, but I shall take it slowly. I believe that now is when life is hardest for me, and perhaps the 20s is proving to be the most difficult era I would have to go through. We shall not know, and it remains to be seen.

Nevertheless, I turn 26 today. My proudest achievement thus far would definitely have to be full acceptance of who I am, flaws and strengths, and to unapologetically remain myself even when the world conspires against me to give in to the status quo.

Because at the end of the day, the only being who is ever truly with you is God. May I keep this in mind through all the obstacles and blessings that come my way.

xx.

Throwback Thursday | Mt Stirling, 8th Oct '16

It's been close to a month since I last arrived back home. Now that life's beginning to settle down a lot better, I've been spending the past few days looking through my photos and reminiscing the times I spent in Melbourne. I've always wished I could be a skilled photographer, I'm sure I've mentioned before that photographs bring back so much more than just memories. A photograph brings back the feelings and emotions that you experienced and felt at that present moment. Which is why they are always so precious to me.

Today I'd like to share about the time my friends and I decided to hike up Mt Stirling. We'd been discussing going on an overnight/camping/road trip for the longest time (that being a year) but we kept on putting it off. Part of it had to do with the fact that we couldn't find an appropriate date that catered us all (especially when two out of the five were working adults), but really it's also because no one took any action until we finally set our minds to it.

And so after the graduation of one and her departure back to her mainland i.e. Malaysia, the remaining four of us finally decided it was enough of bumming around and time to make the necessary reservations.

We came to the decision to conquer Mt Stirling thanks to Derrick. He'd actually gone hiking up the mountain during winter that same year, but due to the weather was unable to enjoy and take as many pictures as he'd have liked from the summit. Also, Nam was no stranger to the mountain as she spent an entire year during high school up there. Don't ask, but her high school had this really cool one year programme where 15 year olds spend their time up in the mountains organising trails and the likes. Sounds nomadic, but her stories were so enjoyable to listen to. All it took was a photo of how the view looked like from the summit and I was sold.

Does this not entice you?!

We drove up to the base of the mountain courtesy of Dinithi our driver who was very willing to take us there. The entire journey to the base took about two hours or so. We took slightly longer than that because we had a few pitstops along the way.

Prior to the trip Derrick made a whole list of things for us to purchase. Namely items essential for hiking like boots, flashlights and etc. I didn't want to spend money unnecessarily so apart from food and disposable underwear I didn't purchase anything mentioned. Which may not have been a very good idea because the mountains were covered in snow thanks to the heavy rainfall the night before and I was geared up in my Dr Martens. Not exactly ideal for plummeting through the ice... I made it though since I ended up walking in my friends' footprints hahaha!

My trusty sherpa stick which I brought back home for safekeeping hahaha

I love hiking, and the one thing I will miss the most from Melbourne is the abundance of opportunities to enjoy mother nature at it's best. It was such a good workout, and although it was tiring it was a lot more enjoyable thanks to my friends. Come to think of it, I've no idea what we talked about throughout the entire hike. How we managed to pass time by is a wonder on hindsight.

We took close to four hours to reach the summit of the peak. This of course was inclusive of all the times I plopped down on the snow to cool myself down because the intensity of the sun's rays was burning into my soul. I'm pretty sure I lost 80% of my energy to the sun. But here's a hack, sitting with your ass in the snow really helps to cool your entire body down. I did this several times, much to the annoyance of Derrick :P

But boy oh boy when we did make it to the top... It was breathtaking. I'll let the pictures do the talking from here on :)

All these photos were taken by Derrick of course (it explains why he's missing in them), and he captured the mood and the moments so well. It expresses my exact feelings towards the experience, melancholic, romantic and wonderment.

I've always loved the outdoors because it reminds me of how tiny and vulnerable I am in comparison to the greatness of God's creations. I was happy to have had another opportunity to soak in the beauty of mother nature and life, and to be privileged enough to do so.

The journey back down to the base took slightly less than two hours since we took another route. We were accompanied by some very lovely deer on our drive down to the caravan park which we had made arrangements for. Spent a cosy night chit-chatting over instant noodles and drinks, talking about politics, love and life. Headed out the next morning to make our way back to the city.

In all, it was a short getaway that felt like a whole week. The memories stay fresh in my head, and I hope that in future I'll receive the opportunity to go on a similar trip with my friends (including dear Pei Yi who was already back in Malaysia) again.

Thank you for the memories wolf pack ♡

xx.

Photo credits: @derrickkoo_photo

New Beginnings #1

As it so happens, I'm back in Singapore.

To say that it was a return filled with a joy is a lie in itself. There were many things that prevented me from being proud of my return home. At present, all I want to do is share everything here. To pour my heart out and rid myself of the burden that's so heavily sitting on my chest.

They say the past can't be forgotten, and that they're there for a reason. Whatever it is, from this point on I'd like to move forward. Come what may, this is the path that I have to take. There may be many a nights where I'll shed tears, but this is what I must do.

So this space will be where I'll share my updates. To hold myself accountable, and to pen down the happy memories. Maybe when the scars have healed slightly I'll be able to bring myself to be completely raw about my experiences, but for now I'll need to breathe deeply to overcome things one step at a time.

Till then, xx.

The Reply Series :)

Reply 1997: Source

An unhealthy obsession over Reply 1997 led me to move on to the third instalment from its series - a bad decision, if any. If you're unfamiliar with Reply 1997, it's basically a 16-episode drama series starring Seo In-Guk and Jung Eun Ji (A Pink). I'm not sure what compelled me to watch this drama in the first place, seeing as i'm 4 years too late to the hype. Even so, it's a drama that takes you back to the group of friends and their lives back in 1997. I particularly enjoyed Reply 1997 because of its two main leads. The protagonist doesn't fit the mould of your sweet girl-next-door. She's uncouth, loud, spoilt and feisty. Yet there's a charm to her that you can't help falling for, and this I give heavy credit to Eun-ji for playing the character so well. As for the male lead... let's just say that In-guk played one of the most realistic male characters I've seen in korean dramas. I usually avoid romantic korean dramas because the male leads are just too good to be true. They're good looking, say wonderful cheesy things and treat the women in ways you've only dreamed of since you were a little girl. If Disney has been blamed for their unrealistic portrayals of 'happy ever after', then korean dramas (of the romance genre) needs to be blamed for breaking the hearts of women (and men) everywhere (cries). 

Anyway I digress. Reply 1997 is still by far ranks #1 in the romance department for me. Apart from the brilliant chemistry from the ensemble, the script and directing really impressed me. It wasn't long-winded, had great punchlines and didn't miss out on details. It was predictable yet still lovely to watch :) I don't think there was a moment where I cringed from a corny script. 

And so after watching the series six times, I decided it was unhealthy and that it was time to move on to something else. And this led me to the third instalment of the Reply series, Reply 1988.

Reply 1988 Poster: Source

...

If I hoped that Reply 1988 would ease my transition from Reply 1997 then I was terribly wrong. Where the latter focused on the friendship of the group of friends from Busan, the former focused on both the importance of family and friendship in Ssangmun-dong, Seoul. 

Reply 1988 left me crying towards the end of its run. There was a strong connection that I felt with the show. It reminded me of the kampong days when I was a child, and in many ways the setting of this series brought flashbacks of the Singapore I knew and grew up in. Above all, the importance of your neighbours, your family and friends are reflected so well in this drama. It was portrayed simply, and reminded me the importance of family and sacrifice. I think everyone will be able to relate to this series. 

However unlike most drama series, what I love about this series (and the reason why the Reply series has gained so much recognition) is the script and directing. There are a total of 20-episodes, with each episode spanning an hour and 30minutes or more. Even so, you hardly notice that it's that long. The cinematography is conducted so wonderfully and each scene isn't longer than it should be. Most importantly, each character had enough screen time. So much so that I forgot who the main leads were. At the end of the day, Reply 1988 takes you back to those times you spent with your family and friends as a teenager. Back to the days when love was new, when you were unable to express yourself to the people you love, and when you were too childish to understand a parents sacrifice. I truly thank the team who came up and produced this show, it deserved the high ratings and credit it received. I'm now on my third run with the show >< 

There are three instalments so far from the Reply series: Reply 1997, Reply 1994, Reply 1988. They are mutually exclusive and apart from the cameos some of the characters from the previous instalments have made, there are no links whatsoever between the three 'worlds'. I have yet to watch Reply 1994, but I would highly urge everyone to give these shows a go. I'd recommend starting with Reply 1997 because after all, that's where it all started :) I hope the writer comes up with another Reply series in the future. I'm sure it'll be another award-winning show for sure. 

Have you seen these shows? What are your thoughts? I'd love to know :) 

xx

p.s. I tried very hard to maintain my composure as a fan in this post. Could you tell?

MAYhem

In light of my previous post in which I promised a revamp of I intended for my blog, once again I have proved to be a disappointment. Not only to whoever stumbles upon this blog, but to myself. The internal debate concerns my removing the post or leaving it up. I've decided to leave it up anyway, I don't really see the point in removing it and quite frankly it'll serve as a reminder for my folly.

Life has been so-so, I don't think anything exciting has happened for me lately. I won't bore you with the concentric rings of hell that has been taking place in the depths of my cerebral, but it's definitely been one of the reasons why I lost interest in blogging and everything else really.

I'm not here to apologise for my lack of updates because I think I've done that too many times and it obviously means i'm not sincere enough since I keep on repeating it over and again. I guess I'm just here to talk and to type out my thoughts. Isn't that the purpose of blogs? I hope I don't cast a gloom over your otherwise happy day. I planned to make this space a positive and happy one, and so whenever I feel down I try to avoid coming here to rant. I did this so often with previous blogs when I was a teenager, and blogs then were really the source for your rants. Even so, I'll still strive to be more positive and outgoing in my future posts.

Till then, thank you for sticking around and I'll see you soon :)

Revamp!

I started this blog two years ago as a means of catharsis for myself. I was going through depression and anxiety, and that period was also a difficult time as I was grappling with discovering who I was, where I was headed and balancing all of that with my emotional instability. Since then, two years have passed and I am now at peace with myself and the struggles that I went through. More importantly, I have opened myself up to friends and family. I can't say for sure that I've overcome the illness, there are definitely moments where I feel susceptible to falling prey to it again. Even so, I am more positive about what life has to offer and feel a lot less burdened than before.

One whole chunk of rambling aside, I have spent the past few months deciding on the direction I wanted to take with this space. I mean, as a teenager I spent my time on my blog complaining about friendship struggles, school, etc etc etc. You know the drill. As teenagers we pretty much stalked our friends / schoolmates blogs just for funsies. That's pretty much how gossip starts anyway.

Now however, I no longer want to do that. Besides sharing random stuff like I've been so far, I definitely want this space to be filled with positive vibes - one that people come to and feel at home and at peace with. Over the past few weeks I've been following so many people on instagram, and despite them not knowing who I am I have found so much strength in their kind words and their captions. I find myself visiting the same pages, blogs and sites when I'm feeling down.

So.. I've come up with a plan for this blog. Posts that you can expect during the week. I am a rather cliche individual, so I hope you don't mind the alliterations I've created for each theme :P

• Make-up Mondays - In which I share a product that I love, or items I wish to buy. They may or may not also include YouTube videos that I've been obsessed with :P
• Transformation Tuesdays - I'm constantly wanting to improve myself. Be it the bad habit of not always making my bed, to procrastinating with homework, I want to spend some time to share some habits I wish to change and hopefully share these experiences and journey with you!
• Throwback Thursdays - In which I share past photos or stories about myself. Not that it'd be of any benefit to you of course... but I wanted to do this to remind myself of how far I've come. It's also a good reminder of some of the best memories I have :)
• Weekend Wrap-up - Self explanatory here. This is where I wrap-up the events of the week. 

Needless to say, I'm really excited about this and I hope anyone who's reading this is too! Lots of exciting things coming up, and I'm just really excited to type away as I go along. 

Till then, I have to finish an assignment before my exciting weekend ahead. Let me know what you think about my "revamp"? :)

xx.

Food Adventure Friday

Two days ago, pw and I met up with Cliff after what felt like ages and we decided to go on a brunch adventure :) Also, I am well aware that the title of the post doesn't correspond to the actual day we visited the establishment. Still, humour me please :P 

A technique my friends and I have established when it comes to exploring brunch places around the city is through instagram. Whilst we used to find urbanspoon/zomato highly useful in the past, we also realised that the ratings given by users there don't necessarily highlight our personal experiences. Also, it's a lot more fun to explore food and places through instagram, very often I find that a lot of underrated places can be located through the app. 

We decided to visit Pillar of Salt, a brunch establishment located along Church Street in Richmond. To be fair, we've heard of this place before but never had the opportunity to visit as it's quite a journey from the city. We tend to choose places within the CBD because it saves time and we don't necessarily have to spend extra commuting there by public transport. Since we were on our one-week easter holiday we didn't mind spending time journeying out to the suburb :)

As always, I started out with my usual order of a mocha. A quick question: am I considered a coffee-lover if the only coffee I actually enjoy drinking is mocha? It's 80% chocolate isn't it haha.

The main reason pw and I wanted to go to Pillar of Salt was really because we saw some splendid photos on instagram of their buttermilk pancakes. Now if there's one thing you need to know about me, it's that I absolutely love pancakes. Even if I were craving something savoury, should it be my first visit to a particular establishment and I see pancakes/hotcakes/_cakes in the menu I am defo going to order it. Needless to say, once the dish was served I was not disappointed at all.

Look at that presentation!

Presentation wise, this dish was so instagram worthy. Pw and I both ordered the pancakes and we most probably spent around five minutes just marvelling at its beauty. I was actually really sad I had to destroy it because that would ruin everything. I actually love desserts (eating + baking) because the end product is always so pretty and it's a beautiful art form in itself.

Taste-test: it received our seal of approval. It was light and fluffy, and the flavours were very well captured by the sweetness of the jam and the strawberries. Oddly enough, it's not as sweet as it looks! Which is great, because you don't get sick of it too quickly. Pw doesn't usually ever finish her meals, but she finished up 90% of this dish, so I think you get the idea over how nice it was portioned. This dish cost AUD14 for three stacks of pancakes. I think its reasonable given the portion. It's also fairly cheaper than other brunch places we've been to.

Burger stack

Cliff on the other hand was ravenous that day so he decided to order something savoury instead. He ordered this burger stack which he wiped clean. I can't comment much on this dish because I never tried it, but he did say it was really nice and I think the clean plate at the end is testament to how much he enjoyed it.

Overall, Pillar of Salt was definitely worth travelling all the way to. You may proceed there via tram 78 but we took the train towards east richmond from flinder street station instead. It's only two stops from flinders st station, and about a five minute walk away from there.

xx.

On leading a more productive life.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Good Sunday morning my dears! :) It's such a beautiful day today, and I sure hope everyone's enjoying this long Easter weekend. Whether or not you're at church or simply spending time lazing out at home, it's a beautiful day here on my side of the world and I'm feeling splendid :) 

I've finally started exercising again, I'm proud to say I accomplished my fitness goals for this week! :) Maybe its the adrenaline or the hormones, but I'd like to thank the exercise for my mood as well. I don't think I've felt this energised and happy in a long while. 

I was inspired to write this post today because being productive is something I lack in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who succumbs to procastination, but procastinating is really something I major in. It's an art form in itself, and requires the least effort to succeed in. Yet this very art form is something that should be rid of in its entirety, although I suppose a very mild case of it won't bring too much harm. My case on the other hand is severe because I'm able to procastinate for weeks on end. Let's use some of my make-up posts that have been saved in drafts for weeks now. *waves frantic hands up in the air*. So, though I may not be the most reliable person to produce tips on leading a more productive life, I thought I'd share some things I've tried in the past and am hoping to inculcate now to put me back on track: 

1) Keep your area neat and tidy.

This may seem like the most mundane yet it is also the most important thing to do. I'm not a very neat person, and when I'm at my worst there's hardly space on the floor to walk around! I'm not proud of this, and the clutter makes me frantic and uneasy. Very often you'll hear people say they need to clear their rooms before attempting work, and this is for the very reason that the clutter around you represents that in your head! I've been keeping my room neat and tidy, and I have found that it has helped me tremendously as it makes me more energetic to do something. It's not easy to keep spaces clean, but with a little effort you'll thank yourself for sure in the long run! 

2) Integrate at least a half hour of exercise each day.

Let's not deny that it is no easy feat to get our butts off the chairs to head out for a run/exercise. Did you know though that exercise doesn't necessarily involve leaving the house and sweating profusely? Besides, there are several videos you could search for on YouTube to work out at home! I personally love Yoga, and my go-to YouTuber is Adriene. She has tons of videos to choose from, and I work out on these videos even after having gone to the gym! Plus, yoga is relaxing and you'll feel so much calmer after :) I also like Cassey and Sean, their videos are all simple to do and hardly require equipment of any sort. Let's not forget apps you can download like the Nike Training App, it's free and is super useful to do at home :)

3) Plan out your day.

To-do lists are definitely one way of keeping yourself on track for the day and week ahead, but I personally prefer writing out a schedule for the day. Use a vision board, or a wall in your room and fill it up with sticky-notes to let yourself know what you plan to do throughout the day. I find that doing this helps me better in organising my time for the day. This way, not only do I have a to-do list, but I know how much time I'm planning to spend on each activity and how much time I'll have to do other things. You'll be surprised at how much you can plan (and not squeeze!) if you write out a detailed plan.

4) Have a routine.

Just like an exercise schedule, it's important to keep a routine. What this means is what you do in the morning when you wake to when you fall asleep at night. Undeniably, being more productive means waking up bright and early in the morning. Set yourself a time to wake each day, and perhaps a different one during the weekends (there's nothing wrong with a little sleep in during the weekends ;)). What do you do each morning when you wake? Prepare yourself some tea? Take a shower? I know I always feel productive when I have a routine. I always start my day with a shower and some tea, and then end it off with a candle before I go to sleep. Having this routine keeps me more in check with my life and I know I have complete control over it. 

5) Constantly fill your mind with positive vibes.

There will be good, but there will also be bad days. During days like these all you want to do is cuddle under the covers and hide yourself from the rest of the world. For some, it takes a day to get over but for others like myself, this may spiral for several days and weeks sometimes. I've found that keeping myself around positive words of affirmations and vibes have been vital in the process of stripping my covers away and getting out of bed. I can't say I'm an expert in this area at this current moment, but it's something I'm still grasping to master. Instagram is definitely a wonderful place to start, follow pages that are filled with bright colours and happy quotes and vibes. They're great to look at to keep yourself going during the darkest times. 

All in all, leading a productive life is something I know we all aspire to do. Even so, sometimes procastinating and taking a day off is important to unwind too. I know some of the tips shared here may be borderline excessive, but I do hope you understand that it's not meant to be followed strictly. Either ways, may you be filled with happy positive vibes, and I hope this post has helped you albeit slightly :)

Do you have any other tips on leading a more productive life? What are your thoughts? Do share, I'd love to know! :)

xx. 

5.5 hours cycling under the Sun.

In an attempt to fully soak in the Sun and good weather before things got gloomy, my friends and I decided to spend our day cycling last Sunday. It was a good decision for sure, the weather was perfect for a day out and about especially since we had two full days of downpour prior.

We rented our bikes from Rentabike at Federation Square. We paid $35 for a full day of bike rental. I'd definitely recommend it, the price is reasonable, the bikes are good and its $35 of a whole day of fun and exploration. Who wouldn't want that?

We made a pitstop at HortusXSevenSeeds Cafe along the way to grab a cup of coffee. I personally love Seven Seeds Coffee, and have been to this particular establishment along Docklands only once with a friend prior. It was a good pitstop and definitely a good wake-up since I was pretty sleepy that morning.

Panda on a tree

Iced Mocha, YUMMY

The journey to williamstown took longer than we expected, but that was because we spent about an hour or so frolicking around our pitstops. We stopped several times along the way to soak in the scenery and take photos while we were at it. I had just purchased new lenses for my camera, and I was really stoked to give it a whirl while we were out. I am so in love with it!! Actually am really excited to take it out for more photo taking journeys. Still playing around with my camera and understanding it a little better, so do bear if the photos aren't exactly professional! Am definitely hoping to fine-tune it in future :)

The journey back took us a mere 1.5 hours and we had 30minutes to spare before returning our bikes. All in all it was a great and fulfilling day, and I definitely plan on going back in future to cycle around Melbourne again. Came back home with tan lines, and there's nothing better than feeling flushed from a good day out under the sun. I love winter, but I'm definitely going to miss good weather like this.

Till next time,
xx.

All photos taken and edited by me.

What it's like living with eczema.

Image Credits: Google Images, Edited By: Me

1) You've tried on pretty much every moisturising cream in the market. 
And no, we're not talking about brands like Clinique or Chanel. We're talking about dermatological moisturisers like QV, Dermaveen & Physiogel to name a few. You've tried numerous products recommended by your dermatologists, and can pretty much state confidently whether or not it's worked for you. You've also developed a keen sense of touch and smell in detecting whether or not you're sensitive to a product. Too fruity, sure to break out or the consistency is too sticky, it's uncomfortable for me.

2) You've ingested so much steroids in your body you wonder why athletes risk their lives taking it in.
One down side of having eczema - especially serious cases - is that you're bound to have been prescribed steroids to lessen the infected area. The sad truth is that these steroids are hella effective. A small application goes a long way and it's pretty much your holy grail for those days your skin just decides to break out. Well... until you realise how much toxins your body's just taken in.

3) Scabs and dry skin don't frighten you.
In fact, you may have just developed a fetish of wanting to remove scabs you see on others. Does this make you weird? Possibly. But you should seek comfort in the fact that dermatologist Dr Sandra Lee has close to a million subscribers on her channel right now, so you're not alone ;)

4) Water is your best friend.
When it comes to having dry skin, water is essential in your diet. Drinking helps to keep your skin moisturised and is a better solution than the moisturising creams available. Drink enough to stay hydrated, but it won't hurt to add in a few ml each day. Give it a try and see what a difference it makes :) I've also blogged about my experience drinking 3l of water every day, you can read more about it here.

5) Cold showers are the best showers.
Showering with hot water is the worst decision a person with eczema could possibly make. For the longest time, I loved taking hot showers. I'm a morning person and so taking a cold shower in the morning was brutal. It wasn't until I watched a show and received advice to take cold showers with my condition. I've changed things up and needless to say, it's helped me tremendously and my skin has never been better. In fact, I actually recall scratching and putting my skin under boiling water. Perfect when you're itchy, but hell once you leave and see the damage you've done.

6) You pretty much are an expert in spelling.
The number of times I've felt a huge wave of satisfaction simply from being able to spell e-c-z-e-m-a properly would be enough to earn me an all expense trip around the world. You're pretty much an expert in spelling from the numerous times you've had to let a doctor or a nurse know your medical history. You're also the first to correct if someone spelt it as e-X-z-e-m-a. It's pretty much a cool club if you can spell it right.

7) You are more acceptive of defects/conditions you see in others, even if they aren't eczema related.
Now this point of course doesn't only apply to people with eczema, but I personally find myself to be less judgmental of people with other conditions. "Abnormal" defects or things that may be considered gross by some don't deter you.

8) At the end of the day though, no matter how troublesome eczema may be, you've learnt to appreciate and own it. 
I've had eczema all my life, and though it is nowhere near to the condition it was in when I was a teenager (let's just say people wouldn't touch my skin without flinching from the texture), I'm appreciative for it. It's taught me a great deal of things, from discipline, self-awareness and even management of money. Overall, it's been a journey and though I still have high hopes of being rid of it completely, till then I'll still have to remain religious and careful in how I take care of myself.


Does anyone out there have eczema too? These are some of the things I've learnt and experienced as someone who has it but I'd love to know your thoughts on them too :)
xx

Birthday weekend

Despite the tumult that is my life, I was able to take the weekend off and invest some time being happy. Celebrated my 23rd on the 13th, and it's odd because I feel like a 30 year old in the body of a 23 year old. 

Headed down to the Moonlight Cinema last Saturday to catch Zootopia. We arrived ten minutes before showtime, and the entire area was pretty much filled up. We managed to get a spot at the far corner in the back, and it wasn't too bad at all :) A nice place to go on a date, and I'd recommend it for couples. 

Moonlight Cinema

I know it looks really bright here, but this picture has been exposed. Also, the sky was reddish that night (maybe a sign of the gang fight that broke out in the city that night?) and it wasn't as dark as it usually would have been. This worked in our favour though, because it felt really early even though it was already 11pm.

Fireworks from the Moomba festival

The movie went on a short intermission from the fireworks display from Moomba. It was seriously such an enchanting evening :)

On the day of my birthday, I pretty much had nothing planned. I just wanted to spend the day in lazing around before going out for dinner. My housemate suggested we go cycling and so we did. I'm really glad she dragged me out of the house, it was such a lovely day and such perfect weather to be cycling in.

We rented our bikes from this place at Federation Square and cycled for two hours. Rental was $20 for two hours, and i personally thought it wasn't too bad. This was however my first form of physical exercise over five months, so I was desperately trying hard to keep up with myself. My quads are pretty much all jelly at this point...

In the evening we headed to Veggie Bar for a simple dinner. The food at veggie bar was.... O.M.G. I LOVED IT. I seriously applaud vegetarians who can whip up a solid meal. I mean... mock meat is legit meat. Taste wise, I can't tell the difference sometimes! I love vegetarian meals, they're so filling if served properly and needless to say we had a satisfying dinner. We originally had plans to grab dessert after but we were too stuffed to even think about it. 

HUGE portion of fries. SO WORTH IT.

<3

I don't always express my true feelings to people, but I was sincerely grateful on my birthday. Birthday cards were read with tears streaming down my face, and in that moment I have never been more thankful for the people I've been blessed with. I'm the harshest critic when it comes to my own self, but sometimes I need to know that it's okay to have problems and not be perfect. 

I'm 23 but I'm still very lost. 

23 but still going through life a step at a time.

23 and still an undergraduate.

23 and still learning to accept my flaws.

Even so, I'm 23 but I'm still excited and hopeful for my future and all there is to come for me. I've definitely loved myself a little bit more the past few months, something that hasn't come from the validation of others. 

So... I'm 23. Where to now? 

xx.