Tightly grasped.

There are very few things that I cling on to quite dearly with almost no intention of letting go. The tight grasp on these things - I’ve come to realise - stem from the memories I have from the period in which these things takes place. 

Like all things that reminisce on the past, Reply 1997 is a show that I hold on to so dearly no matter how many times I come back to. It’s not a) the nostalgia of the short period during the 90’s that I got to enjoy that’s reflected in the show, and neither is it b) the friends-esque vibe from the ensemble. My personal attraction towards Jung Eunji, her character, coupled with the fact that I caught this show during the lowest period of my life makes it difficult to cut the chord that binds me to the feelings I want to keep dear. 

Fleeting as it always is, my youth is now gone. Though I don’t think it lacked anything, there are of course feelings of sadness towards events that transpired. Through the looking glass, I see an empty vessel. There is a shell, but the element inside is gone. 

Perhaps that is why Reply 1997, for as absurd as it may sound, brought me to tears. No one really wins in the show. They each lost before they were found. 

The tears may have been a result from my desire to have an ending as bittersweet as that of Shiwon’s. It could have also been a result of my lost youth. Or maybe, just maybe... it’s because I find it very hard to believe in happy bittersweet endings. That my happiest periods were back when I was a teenager, and that I’m finding it increasingly difficult to grasp on to the string of those memories as I progress on in life. 

“We were passionate, innocent and we desperately miss that time.

Can you hear it? If you can hear me, reply. 

Dear the 90’s.”

Covid ‘19 | Entering Week 2 of the Circuit Breaker

Singapore’s circuit breaker - aka CB, an acronym I’m quite sure the government came up with for an added little bit of humour - is officially into its second week starting today. The above picture pretty much sums up my view the past few days. Meetings have been taken online, dinners and outings with friends have had to be innovated to suit the virtual climate we’re now faced with and more than anything, the screen is now the only means we have to satiate our craving for the human interaction.

I can’t complain much though, because this CB has actually been more productive for me than it has for most people. The cut in travel time has given me more opportunity to focus on other things that I otherwise would procrastinate on if I were to head down to the office and for my appointments on the daily. The other side to this story though is that I experienced a burn out towards the end of the week.

On the mental health side, I’ve been finding ways to cope with the situation whilst maintaining my sanity. I’m trying to include exercise more frequently into my schedule because it helps tremendously with my anxiety, but apart from that I find that keeping myself busy to exhaustion is the only way to get the time to pass by.

In the grander scheme of things, I am grateful that my family members are all healthy and safe from the virus and above all, to have a roof and safe place to be contained in this period. I feel helpless at the number of people who don’t share the same privilege. Regardless, I believe this is a shared experience we’re going through as one humankind. How you come out of this should not matter to someone else. Your management and ability to cope with this is not any less worthy or important than the next person. Just please, please please stay home as much as possible if you can. That’s the only way we can beat this together.

We can and we will. I don’t believe we’ll come out of this the same person.

Hang in there everyone.

Xx.

26.

Another year, and still none the wiser. 

As always, the week beckoning the arrival of my birth date is always filled with much trepidation. The desire to not turn a year older, yet being fully aware that the Sun will continue to rise the next day leaves little to no room for me to properly plan my mental well being and how I would like to view and approach the "big day". As always, I procrastinate and set aside my emotions, always failing to recall that refusing to acknowledge my feelings leaves me with a massive outpour of tears, confusion and guilt once the day arrives.

This year was no different.

I return from an emotionally driven morning at work, and collapse on the lower staircase of the house and start crying uncontrollably. I allow myself time to cry, and give myself the opportunity to feel some sense of grief and pity for my state. Five minutes pass, I regain my composure and come to terms that the tears that've been shed shall mark the decision to properly tuck the pain and the past behind. Onward, your life hereon may be filled with comments and words from the naysayers, but may you never forget who you're living this life for. As nervous as I may be for the future, but I shall take it slowly. I believe that now is when life is hardest for me, and perhaps the 20s is proving to be the most difficult era I would have to go through. We shall not know, and it remains to be seen.

Nevertheless, I turn 26 today. My proudest achievement thus far would definitely have to be full acceptance of who I am, flaws and strengths, and to unapologetically remain myself even when the world conspires against me to give in to the status quo.

Because at the end of the day, the only being who is ever truly with you is God. May I keep this in mind through all the obstacles and blessings that come my way.

xx.

Throwback Thursday | Mt Stirling, 8th Oct '16

It's been close to a month since I last arrived back home. Now that life's beginning to settle down a lot better, I've been spending the past few days looking through my photos and reminiscing the times I spent in Melbourne. I've always wished I could be a skilled photographer, I'm sure I've mentioned before that photographs bring back so much more than just memories. A photograph brings back the feelings and emotions that you experienced and felt at that present moment. Which is why they are always so precious to me.

Today I'd like to share about the time my friends and I decided to hike up Mt Stirling. We'd been discussing going on an overnight/camping/road trip for the longest time (that being a year) but we kept on putting it off. Part of it had to do with the fact that we couldn't find an appropriate date that catered us all (especially when two out of the five were working adults), but really it's also because no one took any action until we finally set our minds to it.

And so after the graduation of one and her departure back to her mainland i.e. Malaysia, the remaining four of us finally decided it was enough of bumming around and time to make the necessary reservations.

We came to the decision to conquer Mt Stirling thanks to Derrick. He'd actually gone hiking up the mountain during winter that same year, but due to the weather was unable to enjoy and take as many pictures as he'd have liked from the summit. Also, Nam was no stranger to the mountain as she spent an entire year during high school up there. Don't ask, but her high school had this really cool one year programme where 15 year olds spend their time up in the mountains organising trails and the likes. Sounds nomadic, but her stories were so enjoyable to listen to. All it took was a photo of how the view looked like from the summit and I was sold.

Does this not entice you?!

We drove up to the base of the mountain courtesy of Dinithi our driver who was very willing to take us there. The entire journey to the base took about two hours or so. We took slightly longer than that because we had a few pitstops along the way.

Prior to the trip Derrick made a whole list of things for us to purchase. Namely items essential for hiking like boots, flashlights and etc. I didn't want to spend money unnecessarily so apart from food and disposable underwear I didn't purchase anything mentioned. Which may not have been a very good idea because the mountains were covered in snow thanks to the heavy rainfall the night before and I was geared up in my Dr Martens. Not exactly ideal for plummeting through the ice... I made it though since I ended up walking in my friends' footprints hahaha!

My trusty sherpa stick which I brought back home for safekeeping hahaha

I love hiking, and the one thing I will miss the most from Melbourne is the abundance of opportunities to enjoy mother nature at it's best. It was such a good workout, and although it was tiring it was a lot more enjoyable thanks to my friends. Come to think of it, I've no idea what we talked about throughout the entire hike. How we managed to pass time by is a wonder on hindsight.

We took close to four hours to reach the summit of the peak. This of course was inclusive of all the times I plopped down on the snow to cool myself down because the intensity of the sun's rays was burning into my soul. I'm pretty sure I lost 80% of my energy to the sun. But here's a hack, sitting with your ass in the snow really helps to cool your entire body down. I did this several times, much to the annoyance of Derrick :P

But boy oh boy when we did make it to the top... It was breathtaking. I'll let the pictures do the talking from here on :)

All these photos were taken by Derrick of course (it explains why he's missing in them), and he captured the mood and the moments so well. It expresses my exact feelings towards the experience, melancholic, romantic and wonderment.

I've always loved the outdoors because it reminds me of how tiny and vulnerable I am in comparison to the greatness of God's creations. I was happy to have had another opportunity to soak in the beauty of mother nature and life, and to be privileged enough to do so.

The journey back down to the base took slightly less than two hours since we took another route. We were accompanied by some very lovely deer on our drive down to the caravan park which we had made arrangements for. Spent a cosy night chit-chatting over instant noodles and drinks, talking about politics, love and life. Headed out the next morning to make our way back to the city.

In all, it was a short getaway that felt like a whole week. The memories stay fresh in my head, and I hope that in future I'll receive the opportunity to go on a similar trip with my friends (including dear Pei Yi who was already back in Malaysia) again.

Thank you for the memories wolf pack ♡

xx.

Photo credits: @derrickkoo_photo

New Beginnings #1

As it so happens, I'm back in Singapore.

To say that it was a return filled with a joy is a lie in itself. There were many things that prevented me from being proud of my return home. At present, all I want to do is share everything here. To pour my heart out and rid myself of the burden that's so heavily sitting on my chest.

They say the past can't be forgotten, and that they're there for a reason. Whatever it is, from this point on I'd like to move forward. Come what may, this is the path that I have to take. There may be many a nights where I'll shed tears, but this is what I must do.

So this space will be where I'll share my updates. To hold myself accountable, and to pen down the happy memories. Maybe when the scars have healed slightly I'll be able to bring myself to be completely raw about my experiences, but for now I'll need to breathe deeply to overcome things one step at a time.

Till then, xx.

The Reply Series :)

Reply 1997: Source

An unhealthy obsession over Reply 1997 led me to move on to the third instalment from its series - a bad decision, if any. If you're unfamiliar with Reply 1997, it's basically a 16-episode drama series starring Seo In-Guk and Jung Eun Ji (A Pink). I'm not sure what compelled me to watch this drama in the first place, seeing as i'm 4 years too late to the hype. Even so, it's a drama that takes you back to the group of friends and their lives back in 1997. I particularly enjoyed Reply 1997 because of its two main leads. The protagonist doesn't fit the mould of your sweet girl-next-door. She's uncouth, loud, spoilt and feisty. Yet there's a charm to her that you can't help falling for, and this I give heavy credit to Eun-ji for playing the character so well. As for the male lead... let's just say that In-guk played one of the most realistic male characters I've seen in korean dramas. I usually avoid romantic korean dramas because the male leads are just too good to be true. They're good looking, say wonderful cheesy things and treat the women in ways you've only dreamed of since you were a little girl. If Disney has been blamed for their unrealistic portrayals of 'happy ever after', then korean dramas (of the romance genre) needs to be blamed for breaking the hearts of women (and men) everywhere (cries). 

Anyway I digress. Reply 1997 is still by far ranks #1 in the romance department for me. Apart from the brilliant chemistry from the ensemble, the script and directing really impressed me. It wasn't long-winded, had great punchlines and didn't miss out on details. It was predictable yet still lovely to watch :) I don't think there was a moment where I cringed from a corny script. 

And so after watching the series six times, I decided it was unhealthy and that it was time to move on to something else. And this led me to the third instalment of the Reply series, Reply 1988.

Reply 1988 Poster: Source

...

If I hoped that Reply 1988 would ease my transition from Reply 1997 then I was terribly wrong. Where the latter focused on the friendship of the group of friends from Busan, the former focused on both the importance of family and friendship in Ssangmun-dong, Seoul. 

Reply 1988 left me crying towards the end of its run. There was a strong connection that I felt with the show. It reminded me of the kampong days when I was a child, and in many ways the setting of this series brought flashbacks of the Singapore I knew and grew up in. Above all, the importance of your neighbours, your family and friends are reflected so well in this drama. It was portrayed simply, and reminded me the importance of family and sacrifice. I think everyone will be able to relate to this series. 

However unlike most drama series, what I love about this series (and the reason why the Reply series has gained so much recognition) is the script and directing. There are a total of 20-episodes, with each episode spanning an hour and 30minutes or more. Even so, you hardly notice that it's that long. The cinematography is conducted so wonderfully and each scene isn't longer than it should be. Most importantly, each character had enough screen time. So much so that I forgot who the main leads were. At the end of the day, Reply 1988 takes you back to those times you spent with your family and friends as a teenager. Back to the days when love was new, when you were unable to express yourself to the people you love, and when you were too childish to understand a parents sacrifice. I truly thank the team who came up and produced this show, it deserved the high ratings and credit it received. I'm now on my third run with the show >< 

There are three instalments so far from the Reply series: Reply 1997, Reply 1994, Reply 1988. They are mutually exclusive and apart from the cameos some of the characters from the previous instalments have made, there are no links whatsoever between the three 'worlds'. I have yet to watch Reply 1994, but I would highly urge everyone to give these shows a go. I'd recommend starting with Reply 1997 because after all, that's where it all started :) I hope the writer comes up with another Reply series in the future. I'm sure it'll be another award-winning show for sure. 

Have you seen these shows? What are your thoughts? I'd love to know :) 

xx

p.s. I tried very hard to maintain my composure as a fan in this post. Could you tell?

MAYhem

In light of my previous post in which I promised a revamp of I intended for my blog, once again I have proved to be a disappointment. Not only to whoever stumbles upon this blog, but to myself. The internal debate concerns my removing the post or leaving it up. I've decided to leave it up anyway, I don't really see the point in removing it and quite frankly it'll serve as a reminder for my folly.

Life has been so-so, I don't think anything exciting has happened for me lately. I won't bore you with the concentric rings of hell that has been taking place in the depths of my cerebral, but it's definitely been one of the reasons why I lost interest in blogging and everything else really.

I'm not here to apologise for my lack of updates because I think I've done that too many times and it obviously means i'm not sincere enough since I keep on repeating it over and again. I guess I'm just here to talk and to type out my thoughts. Isn't that the purpose of blogs? I hope I don't cast a gloom over your otherwise happy day. I planned to make this space a positive and happy one, and so whenever I feel down I try to avoid coming here to rant. I did this so often with previous blogs when I was a teenager, and blogs then were really the source for your rants. Even so, I'll still strive to be more positive and outgoing in my future posts.

Till then, thank you for sticking around and I'll see you soon :)

Revamp!

I started this blog two years ago as a means of catharsis for myself. I was going through depression and anxiety, and that period was also a difficult time as I was grappling with discovering who I was, where I was headed and balancing all of that with my emotional instability. Since then, two years have passed and I am now at peace with myself and the struggles that I went through. More importantly, I have opened myself up to friends and family. I can't say for sure that I've overcome the illness, there are definitely moments where I feel susceptible to falling prey to it again. Even so, I am more positive about what life has to offer and feel a lot less burdened than before.

One whole chunk of rambling aside, I have spent the past few months deciding on the direction I wanted to take with this space. I mean, as a teenager I spent my time on my blog complaining about friendship struggles, school, etc etc etc. You know the drill. As teenagers we pretty much stalked our friends / schoolmates blogs just for funsies. That's pretty much how gossip starts anyway.

Now however, I no longer want to do that. Besides sharing random stuff like I've been so far, I definitely want this space to be filled with positive vibes - one that people come to and feel at home and at peace with. Over the past few weeks I've been following so many people on instagram, and despite them not knowing who I am I have found so much strength in their kind words and their captions. I find myself visiting the same pages, blogs and sites when I'm feeling down.

So.. I've come up with a plan for this blog. Posts that you can expect during the week. I am a rather cliche individual, so I hope you don't mind the alliterations I've created for each theme :P

• Make-up Mondays - In which I share a product that I love, or items I wish to buy. They may or may not also include YouTube videos that I've been obsessed with :P
• Transformation Tuesdays - I'm constantly wanting to improve myself. Be it the bad habit of not always making my bed, to procrastinating with homework, I want to spend some time to share some habits I wish to change and hopefully share these experiences and journey with you!
• Throwback Thursdays - In which I share past photos or stories about myself. Not that it'd be of any benefit to you of course... but I wanted to do this to remind myself of how far I've come. It's also a good reminder of some of the best memories I have :)
• Weekend Wrap-up - Self explanatory here. This is where I wrap-up the events of the week. 

Needless to say, I'm really excited about this and I hope anyone who's reading this is too! Lots of exciting things coming up, and I'm just really excited to type away as I go along. 

Till then, I have to finish an assignment before my exciting weekend ahead. Let me know what you think about my "revamp"? :)

xx.

Food Adventure Friday

Two days ago, pw and I met up with Cliff after what felt like ages and we decided to go on a brunch adventure :) Also, I am well aware that the title of the post doesn't correspond to the actual day we visited the establishment. Still, humour me please :P 

A technique my friends and I have established when it comes to exploring brunch places around the city is through instagram. Whilst we used to find urbanspoon/zomato highly useful in the past, we also realised that the ratings given by users there don't necessarily highlight our personal experiences. Also, it's a lot more fun to explore food and places through instagram, very often I find that a lot of underrated places can be located through the app. 

We decided to visit Pillar of Salt, a brunch establishment located along Church Street in Richmond. To be fair, we've heard of this place before but never had the opportunity to visit as it's quite a journey from the city. We tend to choose places within the CBD because it saves time and we don't necessarily have to spend extra commuting there by public transport. Since we were on our one-week easter holiday we didn't mind spending time journeying out to the suburb :)

As always, I started out with my usual order of a mocha. A quick question: am I considered a coffee-lover if the only coffee I actually enjoy drinking is mocha? It's 80% chocolate isn't it haha.

The main reason pw and I wanted to go to Pillar of Salt was really because we saw some splendid photos on instagram of their buttermilk pancakes. Now if there's one thing you need to know about me, it's that I absolutely love pancakes. Even if I were craving something savoury, should it be my first visit to a particular establishment and I see pancakes/hotcakes/_cakes in the menu I am defo going to order it. Needless to say, once the dish was served I was not disappointed at all.

Look at that presentation!

Presentation wise, this dish was so instagram worthy. Pw and I both ordered the pancakes and we most probably spent around five minutes just marvelling at its beauty. I was actually really sad I had to destroy it because that would ruin everything. I actually love desserts (eating + baking) because the end product is always so pretty and it's a beautiful art form in itself.

Taste-test: it received our seal of approval. It was light and fluffy, and the flavours were very well captured by the sweetness of the jam and the strawberries. Oddly enough, it's not as sweet as it looks! Which is great, because you don't get sick of it too quickly. Pw doesn't usually ever finish her meals, but she finished up 90% of this dish, so I think you get the idea over how nice it was portioned. This dish cost AUD14 for three stacks of pancakes. I think its reasonable given the portion. It's also fairly cheaper than other brunch places we've been to.

Burger stack

Cliff on the other hand was ravenous that day so he decided to order something savoury instead. He ordered this burger stack which he wiped clean. I can't comment much on this dish because I never tried it, but he did say it was really nice and I think the clean plate at the end is testament to how much he enjoyed it.

Overall, Pillar of Salt was definitely worth travelling all the way to. You may proceed there via tram 78 but we took the train towards east richmond from flinder street station instead. It's only two stops from flinders st station, and about a five minute walk away from there.

xx.

On leading a more productive life.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Good Sunday morning my dears! :) It's such a beautiful day today, and I sure hope everyone's enjoying this long Easter weekend. Whether or not you're at church or simply spending time lazing out at home, it's a beautiful day here on my side of the world and I'm feeling splendid :) 

I've finally started exercising again, I'm proud to say I accomplished my fitness goals for this week! :) Maybe its the adrenaline or the hormones, but I'd like to thank the exercise for my mood as well. I don't think I've felt this energised and happy in a long while. 

I was inspired to write this post today because being productive is something I lack in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who succumbs to procastination, but procastinating is really something I major in. It's an art form in itself, and requires the least effort to succeed in. Yet this very art form is something that should be rid of in its entirety, although I suppose a very mild case of it won't bring too much harm. My case on the other hand is severe because I'm able to procastinate for weeks on end. Let's use some of my make-up posts that have been saved in drafts for weeks now. *waves frantic hands up in the air*. So, though I may not be the most reliable person to produce tips on leading a more productive life, I thought I'd share some things I've tried in the past and am hoping to inculcate now to put me back on track: 

1) Keep your area neat and tidy.

This may seem like the most mundane yet it is also the most important thing to do. I'm not a very neat person, and when I'm at my worst there's hardly space on the floor to walk around! I'm not proud of this, and the clutter makes me frantic and uneasy. Very often you'll hear people say they need to clear their rooms before attempting work, and this is for the very reason that the clutter around you represents that in your head! I've been keeping my room neat and tidy, and I have found that it has helped me tremendously as it makes me more energetic to do something. It's not easy to keep spaces clean, but with a little effort you'll thank yourself for sure in the long run! 

2) Integrate at least a half hour of exercise each day.

Let's not deny that it is no easy feat to get our butts off the chairs to head out for a run/exercise. Did you know though that exercise doesn't necessarily involve leaving the house and sweating profusely? Besides, there are several videos you could search for on YouTube to work out at home! I personally love Yoga, and my go-to YouTuber is Adriene. She has tons of videos to choose from, and I work out on these videos even after having gone to the gym! Plus, yoga is relaxing and you'll feel so much calmer after :) I also like Cassey and Sean, their videos are all simple to do and hardly require equipment of any sort. Let's not forget apps you can download like the Nike Training App, it's free and is super useful to do at home :)

3) Plan out your day.

To-do lists are definitely one way of keeping yourself on track for the day and week ahead, but I personally prefer writing out a schedule for the day. Use a vision board, or a wall in your room and fill it up with sticky-notes to let yourself know what you plan to do throughout the day. I find that doing this helps me better in organising my time for the day. This way, not only do I have a to-do list, but I know how much time I'm planning to spend on each activity and how much time I'll have to do other things. You'll be surprised at how much you can plan (and not squeeze!) if you write out a detailed plan.

4) Have a routine.

Just like an exercise schedule, it's important to keep a routine. What this means is what you do in the morning when you wake to when you fall asleep at night. Undeniably, being more productive means waking up bright and early in the morning. Set yourself a time to wake each day, and perhaps a different one during the weekends (there's nothing wrong with a little sleep in during the weekends ;)). What do you do each morning when you wake? Prepare yourself some tea? Take a shower? I know I always feel productive when I have a routine. I always start my day with a shower and some tea, and then end it off with a candle before I go to sleep. Having this routine keeps me more in check with my life and I know I have complete control over it. 

5) Constantly fill your mind with positive vibes.

There will be good, but there will also be bad days. During days like these all you want to do is cuddle under the covers and hide yourself from the rest of the world. For some, it takes a day to get over but for others like myself, this may spiral for several days and weeks sometimes. I've found that keeping myself around positive words of affirmations and vibes have been vital in the process of stripping my covers away and getting out of bed. I can't say I'm an expert in this area at this current moment, but it's something I'm still grasping to master. Instagram is definitely a wonderful place to start, follow pages that are filled with bright colours and happy quotes and vibes. They're great to look at to keep yourself going during the darkest times. 

All in all, leading a productive life is something I know we all aspire to do. Even so, sometimes procastinating and taking a day off is important to unwind too. I know some of the tips shared here may be borderline excessive, but I do hope you understand that it's not meant to be followed strictly. Either ways, may you be filled with happy positive vibes, and I hope this post has helped you albeit slightly :)

Do you have any other tips on leading a more productive life? What are your thoughts? Do share, I'd love to know! :)

xx. 

5.5 hours cycling under the Sun.

In an attempt to fully soak in the Sun and good weather before things got gloomy, my friends and I decided to spend our day cycling last Sunday. It was a good decision for sure, the weather was perfect for a day out and about especially since we had two full days of downpour prior.

We rented our bikes from Rentabike at Federation Square. We paid $35 for a full day of bike rental. I'd definitely recommend it, the price is reasonable, the bikes are good and its $35 of a whole day of fun and exploration. Who wouldn't want that?

We made a pitstop at HortusXSevenSeeds Cafe along the way to grab a cup of coffee. I personally love Seven Seeds Coffee, and have been to this particular establishment along Docklands only once with a friend prior. It was a good pitstop and definitely a good wake-up since I was pretty sleepy that morning.

Panda on a tree

Iced Mocha, YUMMY

The journey to williamstown took longer than we expected, but that was because we spent about an hour or so frolicking around our pitstops. We stopped several times along the way to soak in the scenery and take photos while we were at it. I had just purchased new lenses for my camera, and I was really stoked to give it a whirl while we were out. I am so in love with it!! Actually am really excited to take it out for more photo taking journeys. Still playing around with my camera and understanding it a little better, so do bear if the photos aren't exactly professional! Am definitely hoping to fine-tune it in future :)

The journey back took us a mere 1.5 hours and we had 30minutes to spare before returning our bikes. All in all it was a great and fulfilling day, and I definitely plan on going back in future to cycle around Melbourne again. Came back home with tan lines, and there's nothing better than feeling flushed from a good day out under the sun. I love winter, but I'm definitely going to miss good weather like this.

Till next time,
xx.

All photos taken and edited by me.