26.

Another year, and still none the wiser. 

As always, the week beckoning the arrival of my birth date is always filled with much trepidation. The desire to not turn a year older, yet being fully aware that the Sun will continue to rise the next day leaves little to no room for me to properly plan my mental well being and how I would like to view and approach the "big day". As always, I procrastinate and set aside my emotions, always failing to recall that refusing to acknowledge my feelings leaves me with a massive outpour of tears, confusion and guilt once the day arrives.

This year was no different.

I return from an emotionally driven morning at work, and collapse on the lower staircase of the house and start crying uncontrollably. I allow myself time to cry, and give myself the opportunity to feel some sense of grief and pity for my state. Five minutes pass, I regain my composure and come to terms that the tears that've been shed shall mark the decision to properly tuck the pain and the past behind. Onward, your life hereon may be filled with comments and words from the naysayers, but may you never forget who you're living this life for. As nervous as I may be for the future, but I shall take it slowly. I believe that now is when life is hardest for me, and perhaps the 20s is proving to be the most difficult era I would have to go through. We shall not know, and it remains to be seen.

Nevertheless, I turn 26 today. My proudest achievement thus far would definitely have to be full acceptance of who I am, flaws and strengths, and to unapologetically remain myself even when the world conspires against me to give in to the status quo.

Because at the end of the day, the only being who is ever truly with you is God. May I keep this in mind through all the obstacles and blessings that come my way.

xx.