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For me, vulnerability definitely applies to romance. As an individual, I don't believe in sitting down and waiting for "him" to notice me. The rule that "if it's meant to be it'll be" certainly doesn't apply to me especially when the other party doesn't know of your feelings - much less that you exist.
I've ever made the first move and confessed to a guy that I liked him. Honestly, I did it because I needed closure to my feelings. I knew that he didn't feel the same way about me, but I needed to let him know because the probability of it getting somewhere was definitely higher if he at least knew as opposed to if he didn't. We were best friends and have been friends for more than a decade and I knew that our friendship wasn't going to be affected if it didn't work out. At the same time though, I also knew that I would regret it if in future I knew that I never took that chance to let him know of my feelings.
Long story short, it didn't work out as I expected but we still are very good friends :) And I am okay, because I got the closure that I needed (even though it took me a while to get over).
Past experiences coupled with the one above puts me in a position now where I'm unable to feel confident in myself when it comes to romance. After all, just how many times is the heart capable of rejection? To me, that one time was more than enough. I have my pride too. How many more times do I want to go through heartache?
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who's been through such a thing. The reason I write this post today is because I want to let you know that it's okay to have gotten hurt before. I may have put myself in a tight spot that night I decided to confess, but for all the experiences that I had after, it really was worth it. I promised myself not to fall for anyone else too, because I wanted to avoid getting hurt at all costs. How silly of me. The harder you try to stop something from happening, the faster it comes charging at you like a bull. I'm currently in a vulnerable spot right now, but I'm okay because as mad as it drives me sometimes, it provides me with some form of happiness and that is ok :) Though I don't think I would be so bold as to confess this time round... I'm still trying to figure out if it's a crush or if I really do like him because we've only known each other for about a month now. Time will tell :)
I guess my message is to just go out there and be vulnerable. I always believe that so long as you're happy liking someone even though those feelings aren't reciprocated, that happiness should be more than enough to fuel you for some time :) And hey, some of you lucky ones may just end up with the guy of your dreams ;)
Keep loving, xx.
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