Reflect.

The past week has proven that my heart is capable of bearing strong emotions that otherwise would have broken me. You see, I always find myself at a crossroad of not knowing what to do when I'm faced with such situations. Very often my head starts thinking of this space and the things that I would type as I go along but that said, it never actually happens. Eventually I end up consumed by my own thoughts that any attempt in wanting to type out said events don't ever end up coherent. 

... I was also once told that if you're unable to express your thoughts coherently it means it's not yet sorted out in your head. I suppose to some extent that is true.

Where shall we begin?

I was a spectator of an actual fist-pumping fight involving blood last week whilst at work. We were stationed to a school, and was actually pre-empted about the profile of the students we were going to be meeting. Still, never in my life did I expect to be faced with such a situation. Let's just say that at the exact point in time when I heard the loud punch outside from where I was my head was torn into two. A part of me that knew what was going on hesitated and almost prevented doing the right thing and going out to intervene. These were two grown 16 year old boys, and no matter how strong I may have been I knew I was no match for them. I don't know how I managed to muster up the courage to head out to see what happened.

To cut the story short, I never actually knew what started the fight or what actually happened. All I knew was that there was a part of me that felt really sorry because I know I will never actually be able to cross paths with these students again to help them. To be frank, majority of the students from the school came from broken families and judging from what they shared with us it seems that they don't seem to see their teachers as adult figures or role models. Who then do they see as role models if there is no one from their family or school? Their friends? What then if their friends are bad influences?

I don't believe that these 16 year olds I came across with were bad students. No, in fact I can genuinely say that at the end of the entire three days I spent with them I enjoyed their company very much. That said, three days is too short to make a lasting impact for the rest of their lives. The heart of the matter behind their behaviour has not yet been tackled. I should emphasise now that my job does not help students in dealing with their attitude problems.

However, there was one thing that hit me straight home. There was one student who at the onset came  across to be rather rude to me. At the end of the session I remember parting with him and telling him that I saw a great deal of hope in his future if he believed in himself. After all, why would he have remained attentive throughout the three days? I don't think someone who lacked the desire to succeed in his life would have done so.

After relaying my message to him, he approached me shortly after asking for a photo and exclaimed to his friends that I was the first person to have told him he had a chance of doing well. It honestly took me a lot of effort to stop myself from tearing up.

Source: Pinterest

All it takes sometimes is one small gesture to change someone's lives. I may not have been able to reach everyone last week but I truly did love the students and I genuinely see them achieving excellence in the future if they take the right steps to get there. Above all, it reminded me about the dreams I have for the future in helping the youth in my community and why I do what I do. The purpose is there, but how can I take it one step further?

I may not remember names very well, but I do remember faces. And I know I won't forget the faces of those I met last week. I pray for their success.

xx.