Good thoughts: Be a better you.

Image Credits: Pinterest

Up until a few years ago, I used to be someone filled with hate. It was a scary thing, and looking back I am only thankful that I have since learnt to overcome those feelings of hatred I have held against people. As a teen, I've constantly been told by friends that I have the face of a bitch and that I appear intimidating and am unapproachable. For many years I contested against that statement, arguing that it would take one time to understand and know me better to make a proper judgment on the person I truly am. However, I soon came to realise that first impressions matter and very often, what you see on the cover does to a certain extent reflect the individual's character. Essentially, there was no false claim behind my bitchy exterior. The truth was that I was indeed one.

I was a bitch.

Since I came to that realisation, I made a promise and an effort to change my ways. You see, I realised that the terrible thoughts in my head were reflected in my actions, and these thoughts motivated most of the things that I did. They were often selfish acts, and I would end up using people for personal gains.

But what exactly were these terrible thoughts that I would have? Here were some:

1. Jealousy. How on earth was someone with her personality able to get a boyfriend?
2. Hatred. Word of mouth reached me and I discovered that she hated me. So I wished for eternal vengeance against her. 
3. Someone irks me for reasons they can't control. I then behave like a nasty bitch towards her. The reason that person irks me could be for the simplest thing like an annoying laugh or for being too attention seeking.

These are only a few that I'm able to come up with at the moment. If you're able to relate to some then welcome to the group. My question to you is this. Why hate? Why waste so much energy hating on someone? All that time and effort can be used for other things. 

But here's the thing about hatred and thoughts. It can be managed. And this was how I achieved it. 

1. Before criticising someone, think about yourself. If you're about to critique someone for a terrible attitude, you doing the same thing puts you in the same spot. Besides, gossiping about another person just places within the bitchy zone. 
2. So someone has a bad habit that annoys you. Either a) Make an effort to spend less time around the person. or b) Learn to suck up that trait that annoys you if she's an important friend to you. Also always remember that you have traits of your own that are annoying too. And you have to take my word for this, act on your annoyance at another's trait and you'll find that you'll soon call that trait your own. 
3. Someone lashes out at you for no reason. You get upset and you get mad. Do you hate that person forever? No. Always remember that people are going through different things in life. That person may have been going through a hard time. Sure, you are too. And yes, it still doesn't give them the right to have acted the way they did. That doesn't mean you can't be the bigger person. Take time off to let the anger disappear and approach the person and hold an assertive conversation with him. Always remember to not confront out of anger, you usually say things you don't mean and will regret. 

It's hard to make a change. But the first step is to admit that you are indeed a bitch. After you do that, take a moment to think how truly happy you are. I know that since I've learnt to let go of hatred and bad thoughts, I've definitely felt a lot happier and I'm not just saying this for the sake of doing so. I say it because I've lived through it :)

And hey, it's not going to be an easy process. You can't change everything at once. It has taken me years to change each negative thought. I focus on one negative thing at a time and work on it first. After that then only do I proceed on to another negative thought. Slowly you'll learn to handle it and before you know it, you hardly feel angry all the time. 

Also a true fact: People are a lot friendlier towards me and I am a lot more approachable now than I used to be. It could be perspective, but even so I believe that it's the change in mindset that has helped.

You're going to fail sometimes and you will think bad thoughts. Times like these give yourself a break. You're allowed to feel that way, you are human after all. But it's important to not let it hold for too long. Go back to your routine of self-cleanse the next day. 

After all, 

Image Credits: Pinterest

So go and be a better you :) I know it's possible, and I will be with you till the very end. Don't give up, and don't lose hope. It's possible as long as you believe it to be.

Xx.

p.s. Sorry for the terribly wordy post. This is a new style I'm trying out. I've always wanted to do an advice sort of thing, something along the lines of AgabobAdvice. Let me know what you think? I'm open to comments and constructive critique! :)